Trying to think: My Life as a Student @ WWU

264- FINALS WEEK: DAY 4

2008-06-12T20:53:00.001-07:00

DONE. Turned in my final paper this morning for history and have pretty much spent all day goofing off seeing people. Went climbing outside, slacklining, and just overall screwing around. I'm not sure what's going on this evening, so I'm working on this while I figure out what's happening. Options are somewhat limited when nearly everyone has gone home.

This is my last post under this blog. I'll have a new one set up for the summer, then set up a different one for next school year.

I guess this is where I actually talk about what I learned throughout the course of the school year. Strangely, most of what I have acquired seem to be ways of processing and viewing information rather than the information itself. I couldn't tell you most of the tidbits of information that I have gleaned from my American History course. But when I can look at newspaper articles and figure out the different paradigms used by countries for their foreign policy, I get really excited, because it's really interesting.

But what about me? What has changed about me since I've been here? Not only in terms of beliefs and perspectives, but also in personality?

We'll do the positive aspects first. I have really come to love the outdoors and such related activities. I have always been an active person, constantly needing something to do to avoid boredom, but when there's something about waking up "early" to hit the trail to a bouldering route when just about everyone around you is still asleep or hung over from the happenings of the night before. It's a great way to communicate with my Maker, have genuine hangouts and good conversations with people, just being in stuff that's really cool to look at. I had the thought today that everything in nature somehow reflects God's character. Pretty cool stuff.

Second, I have embraced my natural extravert a lot more. Sometimes I tend to be really mellow when I first meet people, but it's so much more fun to leave an impression on someone. For example. It's gotta be more fun to meet someone with a whole cupcake shoved in their mouth than someone who simply offers a half-wave and a "Hi, I'm Brandon." Yeah, I've freaked a few people out, but that's ok. Spring quarter was really fun for a few reasons, one of which was my natural tendency to meet people, which meant that I saw people I knew all the time, and I wasn't scared to look them in the eyes and high-five them every time I saw them. The sun helped too, but a rainy day is more bearable if you have people with whom to hole up and watch movies.

Third, I can honestly say my faith in God has deepened. This is pretty much the coolest thing ever, to know that God's got the helm and my trying to take it from him isn't going to help anything, but rather lead to my driving into a hillside. I've also realized the importance of memorization. There's that whole AWANA bit, which is cool, but I've honestly forgotten almost all of those verses. When you're seven years old, all you know is that if you learn this phrase, you get points. The goal is not a deeper understanding of Christ and the tools to defend yourself from Satan's flaming arrows, but rather to win a series of games to obtain bragging rights and candy. You aren't moved by the eloquence of a Psalm, nor appreciate Solomon's candid words on life as it is, nor feel pushed by Paul's constructive criticism and encouragement. That kind of appreciation comes with age and the ability to understand how it benefits you. And I've finally reached that point. Finally. 21 years in the making.

Ok, so there's some things I need to work on as well. This may sound really strange, but the main thing is self-confidence. I've always been scared to rock the boat, to go out on a limb and say things that aren't popular or appreciated. But I think it goes deeper than that. Sometimes I genuinely feel that no one cares about what I have to say, which is, of course, a lie. I feel I lack the skill to clearly communicate the knowledge and ideas I have amassed, which is a bit more on the correct side of things. In addition, I feel as though I use following Jesus as a cop-out to having goals or dreams for my future, because I lack the confidence or know-how to really pursue anything. When stuff gets harder, I generally just quit and figure it's not worth the stress. Of course, the Bible clearly teaches otherwise (I mentioned this in an Ecclesiastes post about 2 weeks ago, though Ecc. also teaches that it's "like chasing the wind") I realized this was a bigger problem than I thought when I met with a Resident Director who was the leader of my small group in the ResLife class I had to take. When I asked how she knew that I struggled with this, she simply smiled and said that some people with confidence issues over-compensate in hopes that no one will notice. Not to say that I have an ego, but I definitely see that over-compensation in my personality. Self-confidence is going to be critical in my job next year, which is why it's a "project" of mine over the summer.

Otherwise: I have had SUCH an amazing year. I have a good base of friends, and there are some that I will miss terribly. Lots of amazing adventures happened. Spending hours at Larrabee State Park, incredible sunsets, good conversations, aching muscles and late nights. Rolling down the hill on the way to Haggen, as well as playing tag in said establishment. Slackline in the rain and in below-freezing temperatures. That really fun drop into 2-3 ft of fresh snow at Mt Baker. Chillin' with my biological (and Christian) brother Evan and Christian brother Simon when they came up to visit. Really bad puns, high-fives, and doing cartwheels and handstands in the dining hall. Trying to slide a hurdle on the football field with a snowboard and a tow-rope. Jumping off stuff and wondering why I'm still in one piece. The first -and only decent- Bad Writing Night. Griping about dining hall food and eating it anyway.

Lots of memories, and I'm sure I'm still missing so many.

To anyone at Western that reads this, thank you, because you're amazing.

It is now 1:10 AM on Friday, which means I'm supposed to be up, showered, awake, caffeinated (I made it all week!) and driving in 7 hours.

My summer posts will be here. They may be few and far between because I won't always have access to a computer and will be out of town a fair amount.

Until then, thanks so much for sticking with me, and I hope you read my future posts.

-Brandon

263-FINALS WEEK: DAY 3

2008-06-11T21:35:00.000-07:00

Oh my. Today was interesting. I was up and moving by 9:00, did some reading, mailed a letter, tried to study, went to lunch, turned in a paper, hung out, took a final, had dinner, hung out some more and now I'm here, really tired for some reason.

Highlight of my day: Being done with the one final that I actually had to go to. I had both of the papers due this week done, at least mostly, but that stupid scheduled final...grr. But now it's done, and I'm thankful for it. I returned from dinner to find a new slackline laying on my bed, courtesy my amazing friend Meagan. It's really fun, because it's half the width of the one I already had. I threw a bit of a fit, then realized that I should just accept it. So I did. And it's awesome.

Walked around being goofy for awhile, and now I'm really hungry. I just have to turn in that one last final paper tomorrow morning...

AH I am so close. I'm to the point I just want to be done so I can have fun and not worry about stuff.

I leave here in less than 48 hours...wow.

262-FINALS WEEK: DAY 2

2008-06-10T23:07:00.000-07:00

Finished both of my papers today, except for a quick proof read on one of them after I've given myself a day to not think about it. Otherwise, I hung out a lot. That was my Tuesday. I learned a few Bob Dylan songs on the guitar, all I need now is a harmonica and a fedora.

I'm feeling really good. Very at-peace. I just have one final left tomorrow at 3:30 PM, so I should probably go over my notes at some point.

Sometimes I feel like a terrible student. Right now, I'll chalk it up to being super burnt out. I can't imagine what next year will be like.

261- FINALS WEEK: DAY 1

2008-06-09T16:33:00.001-07:00

I have yet to do anything scholarly today. I woke up, made tea, and ventured down to North Campus for quiet time and lunch. I then went to a meeting with my small group leader for the ResLife class that I had to take to be a Resident Advisor next year. It was good to talk to her outside of a classroom setting.

I just got back from climbing again, and I'm pretty wiped out.

Yeah. Not much else to say here.

I have a paper I should probably work on. After dinner....

260

2008-06-08T18:12:00.000-07:00

Church in the morning, brunch at the dining hall, and I honestly was going to go on about a 10 mile hike, but I got to the trailhead, pulled out my bag then thought "Do I seriously want to walk 10 miles right now?"

"No."

Then I went climbing down at Larrabee State Park.

Got back on campus at about 3:00, was bored, hung out for awhile, then went to the library to finish up on my history paper. I now have eight pages worth of material: it's revision time.

Dinner, and now I'm here, listening to Brad Paisley and thinking about going outside for awhile, although the weather looks like it's taking a turn for the worst and I don't want to go outside just to get rained on. I'll have to venture out later for a sunset, but right now my back is sore.

Make tea and play the guitar? I think I might.

I should note that I had coffee at church this morning. But I promise I'll make it through this week without it.

Gas is up to $4.50 a gallon up here. Just thought I'd tell you. I'm guessing $5 by the end of the summer.

259

2008-06-07T23:28:00.001-07:00

Interesting day. I got up at a decent hour to work on a paper, and did pretty well. I now have about seven of eight pages typed, plus I have yet to write an introduction or conclusion. In addition, I began my other 5-7 page paper, and should have that one done by Monday evening. At least that's my goal.

Having completed school work for the day, I went to a local music store with some friends. I was only in there for about 20 min before I was ready to run out screaming. Not that the store was a bad place, but it reminded me of my days in retail, and also of my inability to play a nice guitar without wanting to put it on my account. I like my 30 year old acoustic, but it's not a Taylor or a Larrivee.

This evening, I went down to Boulevard Park for the first time as a Western student, and didn't think it was as cool as everyone tells me it is. Yeah, it's got the water and such which is something that it has going for it. But there aren't as many interesting people to watch as at Esther Short, and it just doesn't have the same eclectic vibe that Esther Short does. Meh. It's cool.

Watched Zoolander for about the 5th time this year, and I really like that movie. It gets funnier everytime.

Walked back to the folks in the dorms hollaring, obviously sloshed. Even walking past a few folks that looked as though they were no strangers to partying, they looked at me, shifted their eyes towards the noise, and muttered "Crazy." I hear they will be back up in Beta/Gamma next year, which is where I am placed. So I'll have to learn to deal with drunk people. Fun. I feel like I've learned a lot even being up here.

SO I'm sorta tired. Tomorrow should be interesting. I still haven't heard if I made the CTK worship team, though at this point I am kind of doubting that I made it. Honestly, that's adding to what stress level I have left.

Oh. Read Galations today. Paul really wasn't happy with them...

258

2008-06-06T20:18:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting in the Viking Union watching a sunset. Or, at least the clouds in front of the sunset. It's actually kinda cool. It makes the clouds just on the horizon look like they're on fire. Oh, how I love sunsets. I find myself missing the wintertime sunrises over the hills back home, with the flourescent pink and oranges, telltale signs that it's a day to stay inside.

It was actually this afternoon. After a morning of rain, it was great to have blue skies that I miss so much, even if it was only for a few hours. My stress levels went down significantly today. Starting things really does help. I'm about five pages into my eight-page Soviet History paper, and I'm actually enjoying writing this one. If I play my cards right, I can be done with both papers by Monday evening, which would be rad. Neither of them are due until Wednesday, and one is due Thursday, but I am honestly just sick of thinking about them. And I have to do well on my Wednesday afternoon final, so I'll hopefully be able to have a good chunk of time to devote to that. If the weather keeps hating Bellingham, studying shouldn't be a problem.

Hopefully it'll be somewhat nice on Sunday. It'd be nice to get out at least one more time before the end of the year.

I leave a week from today. That's scary. I have a feeling tonight's gonna be a wild one on the Ridge though.

257

2008-06-06T01:09:00.001-07:00

I went to the rock wall again today. I pushed myself really hard, and now my arms hurt. Funny how that works.

Today was interesting. I don't get stressed out pretty much ever, so it was weird to get through half the day with a crazy constricted feeling around my eyes and an aching head. I did start a paper though, which alleviated a bit of the stress, and I went and found people to hang out with, which also helped a lot. Climbing was fun too and helped me regain part of my sanity.

I've made the decision to not drink coffee until after finals week. I had it three days in a row and I feel myself needing it. Stupid addiction. I will not be mastered by anything.

I was reading in 1st Corinthians today, and I got to chapter 7, and read it like eight times. When I got to the part about married people not having self control and how it's better to remain single, I got really confused. I had read it before, but I never really grasped the implications. Paul seems to seriously be telling people not to get married. I know that men and women were created to be together, a metaphor and symbol of the union between Christ and his church. One needs the other in order for humanity to survive. That's just how it works.

Any insight on this?

Tomorrow is Friday. Which means that a week from then, I will be packing up and moving back to Vancouver for the summer. I think that's the real stressor. Leaving and saying goodbye to people that I have seen everyday for the last 9 months.

256

2008-06-04T09:42:00.000-07:00

Really quickly before I have to run to class...

Psalm 49:16-19

16 Do not be afraid when a man becomes rich, when the glory of his house in increased; 17 For when he dies he will carry nothing away; his glory will not descend after him. 18 Though while he lives to congratulate himself- and though men praise you when you do well for yourself - 19 He shall go to the generation of his fathers; They shall never see the light.

The end of verse 17 is interesting, because it's assuming they will descend. I may be reading too far into this, but remember the whole "camel through the eye of a needle" thing?

The phrasing of verse 18 was really cool too.

Ok, I have to go to class.

255-And the Rain Returns

2008-06-03T23:35:00.001-07:00

I woke up this morning to a popularity spike: two text messages and one voicemail. Popularity spikes are fun.

This morning, I looked out my window and saw rain falling. Of course, it doesn't matter that it's June and supposed to be sunny. I have about a week and a half to go of school, and I'm just sick of doing school. This doesn't include that I have a certain stressor that's driving me nuts. I spent my early afternoon in the Underground Coffeehouse laying on a couch trying to forget that it was Dead Week, then my early evening reading a book for my Soviet history class.

I am a huge Switchfoot fan. They are tied for #1 on my favorites list with the Eagles, and I actually listen to them more these days than I listen to the Eagles. On rainy days such as this one, I really dwell on their album Nothing is Sound. I know I've talked about it before, but I just love it. It's not one of their better albums, but it fits days like today perfectly. When the weather isn't working the way I want it to, I am thinking about life way more than I should, and I'm walking by myself in the rain a lot, this album captures the mood perfectly. I listened to this one a lot today.

Later in the day, I met with a friend, who introduced me to the Open Mic night at the Underground, which is really funny, because it's the last one of the year. It was about what I expected, which is why I hadn' gone as of late. There were a few good acts, though, and a few that just deserve props for doing what they did: it takes guts to play techno-ish whatnot to a college crowd in Bellingham.

There was one, though, that was so vulgar that I couldn't believe that the sound guy kept him going. To the sound guy's credit, he did turn him off momentarily, but the guy kept going with his grossness. I was proud to be able to stand up with my friend, leave, and not feel like I was doing the guy an injustice: it was that terrible.

I feel as though I should talk about something a bit more important, but my brain is fried with life's happenings. I hope I mellow out here soon, because having my brain on overload sucks.

254

2008-06-02T18:03:00.000-07:00

As I was wandering about today, in my travels I began to think about some pretty strange things.

One of which was: people don't talk in elevators.

This is really funny to me, because I am usually looking to strike up a conversation anywhere, and an elevator is no exception. But when standing in an elevator, everyone faces the door and gives off a distinct vibe that says "don't talk to me. We're in an elevator."

Why is this?

There are other things as well that just puzzle me, and I'll never know the answers.

Why do girls need so many shoes, and why can't they wear the same prom dress two years in a row?

How come we park in driveways, yet drive on parkways?

Why does hair grow in our armpits?

Why are yawns contagious?

*shrug*

I'm sure there are more of these things that my wiped-out mind can't grab right now.

253- Happy June

2008-06-01T21:42:00.000-07:00

Once again, weekends in Bellingham are amazing. I spent Friday, Saturday, and Sunday out hanging with friends outside. My body is really tired, and it'll take a few days of rest to get feeling solid again. Friday and Saturday I caught some incredible sunsets. May I never take another one for granted. I'm currently sipping on a cup of coffee and listening to music.

I've been thinking about this whole blogging thing. I have noticed a distinct lack of comments, which could mean a few things: One, my writing sucks. Two, I'm writing about things that aren't interesting to anyone. Three, I'm offending people. I'm guessing that it's a combination of all three things.

I want to apologize to anyone I've offended. I'm forever done talking about politics, at least on blogger. Things seem to stay a bit more cival when these discussions take place in person.

Awhile back, I discussed a bad habit of mine, specifically swearing. I am happy to say that while this habit persists, it's gotten MUCH better (I've been hanging out with a different crowd recently...funny what that'll do.) Within the context of this discussion, the issue of anger was brought up. I have since talked to a few individuals about this topic, and I get a general vibe that anger is "bad." Whether it's sin or not has not been pinned down. While the word "anger" has a negative conotation, I feel as though there are a few different elements to it that make it "right" or "wrong." The first: what are you angry about? The second: How long did it take you to get there?

I might take this moment to remind people that God himself, while DEFINITELY loving, merciful, and full of grace is capable of anger. There's a ton of evidence of that in the Old Testament. He leveled the earth with the flood and started over. When Korah rebelled against Moses in Numbers 16, Moses became angry, and God answered that anger by opening up the earth and swallowing Korah and his followers. As far as New Testament, Jesus took out his anger on the pharisees and merchants in the temple.

Anger is biblical. It's also an emotion. I would argue that to some extent it's healthy. But what makes it healthy? As I said previously, what are you angry about?

When Moses became angry with Korah, it was because the authority God had given him had been challenged. What's interesting about this is that Moses doesn't do much. He leaves it to God to say who's in charge. God responds to this by destroying all of Korah's family.

Jesus took out his anger on the merchants in Matthew 21:12-13 by casting them out and overturning their tables. Why? They were defiling his house. It was supposed to be a house of prayer, and it had been turned into a "den of thieves." I'd say that's a legitimate reason for anger.

A bad reason to be angry: being unable to complete a bouldering route while rock climbing.

Again, the other element involved here is how long it takes someone to get angry, and not only that, but how long they stayed angry. After Jesus cast out all the merchants and moneychangers in the temple, what did he do? In v.14, IMMEDIATELY afterward, he goes back to healing people.

We know that God himself is a "God of forgiveness, gracious and compassionate, slow to anger, and abounding in lovingkindness." (Nehemiah 9:17b)

Psalm 30:5 says "For His anger is but for a moment, his favor is for a lifetime..."

So God himself feels anger. He can't be in the presence of sin, so we can logically conclude that anger itself is not a sin. HOWEVER. What is the object of the anger? Is it the name of the LORD being defiled or questioned, or anger at the 6 year old kid screaming bloody murder at the sight of a garter snake at a lake, or something dumb like a rock that is hard to hang onto?
As a result, I feel as though anger should be a rarity, because it really isn't worth it to get riled up about the things that we do. I also feel as though the take home message is don't let anger control you, because that's when the line gets fuzzy. Anger's rise must be controlled, and if it doesn't fade quickly, the red-zone has once again been reached. Really dumb things have been said when anger is involved, and really dumb decisions have been made under it's influence as well.

250!

2008-05-29T16:26:00.000-07:00

Today, I decided, should be reserved as a rest day for my once-again aching body. I should probably stretch a bit more often.

I have been by myself for most of the day, and I'm a little bummed out about it. It's kind of a gross day, so I'm not as excited as I should be. I do have the weekend to look forward to, though, so I am looking forward to three solid adventures (yet to be planned, mind you, but they will happen.)

I gave my testimony at Core last night. It was kind of exciting, but I wish I had gone a bit deeper and talked about some of the struggles I've had. Honestly, they've almost all been mental up until now. I did get to express my love for the book of Ecclesiastes and read a chunk towards the end where things seem to get a bit happier. I got a couple funny looks when I talked about how much I liked the book, perhaps because it was unfamiliar, and perhaps because it's sort of depressing in parts. I, on the other hand, find it totally refreshing that one of the wisest men ever to set foot on this dustball we call earth recognized that life sucks a lot of the time and that our relationship with God is all that matters.

I especially love chapter 11: 9-10.

9 Rejoice, young man, during your childhood, and let your heart be pleasant during the days of young manhood. And follow the impulses of your heart and the desires of your eyes. Yet know that God will bring you to judgement for all these things (I LOVE the eternal perspective!) 10 So, remove vexation from your heart and put away pain from your body, because childhood and the prime of life are fleeting.

This can seem depressing from one perspective. "Awe, man, the prime of my life is fleeting!"

But from my perspective: That's right now! I am actually told to follow my heart and my eyes, as long as these things are honoring to God.

SO cool.

I'm a little tired right now, hopefully that'll pass soon enough. Like I said, I'm gearing up for the weekend.

248 Written in the Wee-Morning Hours of 249

2008-05-28T00:30:00.000-07:00

I'm sorta burnt out. I didn't sleep well last night, and I'm still rebounding from the fullness of the weekend. I'm sort of stressed and the tension I cited last week seems to have returned. I think I need another sunny-day adventure. They seem to make everything better, at least for awhile.

Getting about halfway through my history reading for tomorrow, I decided that I couldn't read anymore, then went out to watch the sunset.

Sunsets to me are a glimpse into what this world was supposed to be like before we went and mucked it up.

247

2008-05-26T15:56:00.000-07:00

So, today is Memorial Day. It's also kind of disgusting outside. Which means that I am taking advantage of having the room to myself and watching Band of Brothers while my muscles rest from seven straight days of climbing and being active. It's hard to do, yes, but it's necessary to ensure that I can continue climbing and adventuring. Thankfully, it's sort of raining, so I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. I may pull my slackline out a bit later, though.

Returning to the day at hand, I keep thinking of these lyrics from a Blue Scholars song

America romanticize the old war story
Heroes, ammo, guns, blood, guts and glory

Part of me views this day as a creation of our government in order to continue that tradition, and to some extent, I'm sure that it's so.

The other part of me is filled with gratitude and appreciation that there are those who think that their country is worth dying for. A standing army (or at least the ability to defend itself) is a huge part of what makes a nation what it is: it has to protect it's own sovereignty to ensure stability. We owe this relative stability to the people who signed up to be a part of this defense, and to those who didn't dodge the draft even if they didn't believe in it. It takes guts to jump out of a trench, run off of a Higgins boat into three feet of water, or land a helicopter in the jungle all while facing artillery, machine-gun, and small arms fire. It's something I hope I never have to experience.

I have my views on war, violence, death and destruction.

But I must recognize those who are willing to die to protect my right to hold the views that I do.

246

2008-05-25T20:21:00.000-07:00

I'm beat. I have spent the last three days adventuring various out-lying areas of Bellingham. I'm climbed a lot, I've hiked a decent amount, and gotten a solid dose of vitamin-D. I feel my face getting that stretchy feeling that usually means a sunburn, so we'll see how it looks in the morning. My left arm has sandstone rash on it from a botched bouldering route. My arms and back hurt a lot, but all the pain is worth the good times that came with it.

I've been thinking a lot lately. I was realizing today, sitting on the beach surrounded by amazing rocks, sand, and seaweed how difficult it's going to be to go home this summer. I've made a lot of really good friends up here, and leaving them all for three months is going to be lame.

Three-ish weeks left of this madness. I love school, I love my friends, I love Bellingham. But since I am spending one more summer in Vancouver, I am so glad that I get to spend it the way I do. More adventure.

Sweet.

243

2008-05-23T00:09:00.001-07:00

I've got a tension of some kind. My body is sore, and I know how that feels because I did it to myself. This seems to be a tension of the mind, but it's not stress. I don't know what it is, it just feels strange. Otherwise, I'm stoked to be around, alive, and kickin'. I do, however, wish it was sunny more often.

I was gearing up for the three day weekend until I found out that rain was forecast for this weekend. Man, do I need an adventure. I haven't been outside off campus in probably a week. I was hoping for some hiking and climbing with a friend, but that may not happen. Again.

I am the proud owner of a pair of Chacos and a climbing harness, which I got to use when some friends I made at the climbing wall belayed me (I got to go to the top!), then taught me how to belay. So fun. I'm set and stoked to climb really high stuff this summer.

Yesterday was very full. I am trying to stay away from the Ridge most of the time, and I tend to see more people on north campus if I hang out down there. So, I was away from the room from 9:30-ish up until about 11:00 PM. Which was totally fine, because it wasn't like I was doing nothing. I've gotten a ton of reading done, went to classes, did some hanging out, went to Core, and, the highlight of the night: went to an Associated Students meeting in which the board members approved (with reservations, I might add,) to approve an $8 a quarter raise in the health fee per student. While it's sort of a bummer that students have to pay for this, its totally worth it. It goes toward Crime and Sexual Assault Support (CASAS), Women's Empowerment and Violence Education (WEAVE), and other resources for student on campus that had lost their government funding. These organizations provide counseling for victims of violence and so on, and the additional fee ensures that they have counselors year round (incl. summer if I understand it correctly.) While I hope I never have to refer residents to these resources next year, they are valuable resources that should be available, and it was super cool to be there when the motion passed. Most people won't notice the $8 on their bill anyway, since it either goes straight to their parents or they don't look at the breakdown.

I am going to add here: Western students. Do have ANY idea how much this institution can do for you besides give you a degree in whatever? There's free tea and awesome people to talk to at the Wellness Outreach Center (WOC.) The fine folks at the Career Center will look over resumes, keep you informed on internships, and help you pick what you want to do with your life. If you get overwhelmed with school and life and need someone to "word vomit" all over, go to the Counseling Center.

By the way. I might add that you already pay for all of this anyway in your tuition.

I really just wish I had known all of this before. I remember looking down my breakdown and going "huh...I wonder what this $80 in fees is...oh well."

This evening I proxied at Resident Hall Association (RHA.) I had fun, believe it or not. Everyone was really happy and riled up, which made me more giggly than normal. It's awesome when people point at you and recognize you as the "most excited person they saw all day," or point at you from across the room and say "I love this guy!"

Yeah. I'm stoked on life. I've got a lot of reasons to be as happy as I am.

241

2008-05-20T23:25:00.000-07:00

In these last few rainy days, I've had time to reacquaint myself with something I forgot I really enjoyed: reading. Currently, I'm working on Marx's Kapital and Stephan Ambrose's The Wild Blue, which is about B-24 pilots over Europe during the Second World War.

I have noticed, though, that I read things differently now, and specifically Ambrose. I have always enjoyed his writing, and it's the kind of writing that a guy like me can only hope to produce someday. But I've found that a lot of his main points are derived from personal interviews.

"What's wrong with that?," some may ask.

Well, nothing. One of the things we training to be historians learn is to take EVERYTHING with a grain of salt, and personal testimonies and interviews may seem to be a strong source, and they are; until you realize that these interviews are being given some 40-50 years after the events occured. A lot can happen to one's memory within that time frame. Events can be glorified or played down, as well as exaggerated. Names, places, dates, and times can be forgotten or changed. This could be done intentionally or completely by accident. Interviews are funny, because you can talk to five people who were at the same place at the same time and get five different perspectives on an event.

Ambrose builds much of his case on these interviews, including many with George McGovern (yes, the politician.) And while it's fascinating to read these stories, it's all from the perspectives of a limited number of pilots and airmen out of hundreds of thousands who served.

Knowing this has made reading more interesting. It's fun to be able to question what you read and decide if you agree with an author on a particular subject. One example: Ambrose writes that the vast majority of Army Air Force (AAF) airmen were between the ages of 2 and 10 when Limburgh flew across the Pond. He then deduced that this is why all of the men wanted to fly airplanes. I have yet to find his evidence. It's an interesting coincidence, yes, and it's also very possible. But there were many other benefits to flying in the air force, like not having to live in a foxhole with another guy in snow enduring constant shelling and machine gun fire. Hot food, a bed to sleep on. Sweet. Of course, you are also stuck in a giant tin can while flak and explosions burst all around you. Not so sweet.

I've gotten to do some more climbing indoors since it's raining, but I'm ready for another adventure down to the coast for some climbing. Hiking...AH! Must...get...out..side.

240

2008-05-19T18:29:00.000-07:00

I have felt very tired all day. I went to bed earlier than normal, and I haven't pushed my body to its limits yet. I'm going to try and get some much-needed climbing in, so hopefully there will be people at the wall I can meet and draw some energy from.

I think it's the rain. It seems more life-sucking now that I've seen the sun for a few days. The strange thing is that it's still quite warm outside. It's still t-shirt weather, except that water is falling from the sky.

Got my midterms back today and they were about what I expected. Did some reading, tried like crazy to find ways to entertain myself, including slacklining in the rain. I've now successfully completed the 360 pivot. I switch feet, but it's still really fun. And this really cool lean-back thing that I picked up from a guy at Esther Short park over the weekend.

I think I'm gonna get a half-inch line here pretty soon. Just for a new challenge. And a harness so I can get some high-lines going.

I'm really crazy.

239

2008-05-18T22:23:00.000-07:00

I spent my weekend in Vancouver dealing with the unseasonably scorching heat. While my primary reason for making the trip south was to watch my amazing mother play the piano with an orchestra, I got to see a bunch of my friends, make some new ones (Jenn, Lorrie, and Dan. See! I even remembered their names. Although I'm pretty sure I freaked them out a little bit..) I also was able to ride a bike, walk around barefoot, and make a once-customary midnight-ish run through Muchas Gracias for an Oregon burrito and loud conversation.

I got a lot of "hippy" comments this weekend at church and home. And yet I am unsure on how exactly to define the word "hippy."

I have long-ish hair.

I walk around without shoes most of the time.

I am against war or "premature" deaths of any kind.

I would rather slack line or rock-climb than play basketball or football.

I believe TV and movies are a waste of time and a creation of the bourgoisie to increase profit margins.

I appreciate nature enough to put up a fight against people who want to destroy it.

I believe in the rise of the proletariat.

I am sick of the Bush regime, but I'm also sick of politicians in general.

I don't understand how all are entitled to "liberty," but I can't ride my skateboard on campus.

Certainly other people fit in with these characteristics and yet do not consider themselves hippies. And while I am comfortable with the label, I would like to know what it is that people are going to assume about me if I am referred to in such a way.

I should note that I do not smoke bud. Nor will I ever. That's a bourgeois creation as well.

236

2008-05-15T20:56:00.000-07:00

Today was a thousand times better than yesterday. It probably topped out at 70-ish degrees outside with complete bluebird skies. I got up, got lunch, read the newspaper, filmed a movie with my homies for the RA class, then went slacklining, followed by rock climbing on the beach (I finally found a few walls with sandy landings!) I'm now trying to figure out what to do next. I'm taking the train home tomorrow, so I've still got to get ready for that, as well as eat something.

There were a few times in the course of my adventure that I decided it was necessary to remove the flip-flops and barefoot the hike I was taking to the rocks. I'm really really dirty, way more than normal.

And yet I feel it would be a waste of water for me to take a shower, considering I smell fine.

Ya'll.

I think I'm a hippy.

235

2008-05-14T18:03:00.000-07:00

I'm writing after having gone through one of my worst days as a student at Western. Choices that I make as a person trying to follow Christ in a world that really could care less have finally brought me into conflict with those I try so desperately to reach, the conflict that Christ himself made known would happen. While I know that I did the right thing, some very hurtful things were said to me, and I have spent the day enduring the arrows of the Evil One, trying with everything I have to extinguish the flames. In some moments I have been able to triumph, in most I have failed, left walking in the Bellingham drizzle feeling utterly alone. I have taken a beating today, and Satan won't let up for as long as I live, let alone this evening.

In a little over two hours, my friend and I will be helping lead Core. This is immensely stressful for me. I was really excited about this yesterday: now I just want to walk in the woods with friends that emit positive energy while I trudge through this day feeling inadequate.

But my feelings of inadequacy and insecurity are a lie of the Devil! I'm amazing! Fearfully and wonderfully made! The God of the Angel Armies loves me enough to send his son to this sinful Earth to die the death of a criminal on my behalf. I have no choice but to turn to him for help, and I am called to do no less.

I will praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
You are who you are
no matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
you hold in your hands
You've never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm.

232

2008-05-12T01:06:00.000-07:00

Thanks, mom, for being amazing. Just thought I'd say that first.

Second, today was fun. I got to go to church at the time I wanted to go, revise my paper, make more friends, hang out at the rock wall, talk to my parents and chill with a bunch of people I've really connected with over the last few weeks. I get really good vibes from them, not that I don't from everyone else, but we're really ridiculous, an attribute to which I am told I'm a catalyst.

One other thing that's really cool: I really am comfortable with being ridiculous. I walk around without shoes most of the time, slap-five to random folks I come across, and dance and do cartwheels at dinner. It's a lot of fun, and even more fun when people say "Brandon, stop, you're embarrasing yourself." Which really means "Brandon, stop, you're embarrassing me." That is the best feeling ever, when you have control over someone's comfort level like that.

I certainly recognize that there are times to behave certain ways. For example, if I were to do cartwheels down the aisle during my mother's piano performance next weekend, I'm pretty sure that aside from getting to do cartwheels no good can come of it.

But when you're standing in a line to get movie tickets without shoes on and the person you're with turns to you and says "Would you please put your shoes on? It's really gross and embarrassing," I just love that moment where I can smile and say "Nope, I'm good" and just bask in the moment that I control that person's emotions.

Could be bad...

But it's funny :-D

231-GROSS

2008-05-10T15:40:00.000-07:00

It's warm here, but cloudy and is threatening rain. Thankfully I've got another day to study up on school stuff, because Monday is midterm day. SICK.

This weekend being Mother's Day, this university pretty much died. In my walk to the library today to work on a paper I saw one person, and there's normally people out and moving by 1 in the afternoon on a Saturday. The weather isn't awesome either, so maybe that has something to do with it.

I feel like I'm having an off-day. I think I know what my issue is, but I can't seem to pin it down completely.

OH. Today was my first day in three days that I had coffee, which proves that I can DEFINITELY function without it. Strange thing is that I felt pretty good until about two hours ago. I guess I crashed. Maybe I need to dump this stuff completely...we'll see what happens.

I'm off to do some exploring to relieve myself of the ever nagging feeling that I really should be studying. I've done a fair amount already, so I feel justified.

Golly, it looks gross outside.

Where are all the people!?

229

2008-05-09T18:52:00.000-07:00

As a part of my Resident Advisor class I was mandated to pay for a personality test, specifically the Meyer-Briggs Type Indicator, or the MBTI for short, because everyone loves acronyms. I have so many acronyms floating around in my noggin that I wonder how I remember them all.

So I'm an ENFP: Extraverted-Intutitive-Feeler-Perceiver. I have taken this test before, and when I took it then I was an ESFP, which means I was sensory instead of intuitive. Either way, I'm right on the line in between the two, with a slight inclination toward intuition. I can't say I'm surprised, because I knew I had changed in that area.

Sensors and intuitives basically take in information in different ways. Here's the difference: intuitives tend to take a big picture approach to information, then filling in the gaps with facts and figures. Sensors do things the opposite way: they take in all the little tidbits of information and build up to the big picture using those facts.

I was in class today taking notes and had this in mind. I found myself writing down the main idea, then just listening to the statistics without writing them down, because I've always taken notes this way. That doesn't mean the minute details don't matter, because they do. But they support the big picture, which is what I'm interested in.

The other thing I want to talk about (surely you all know that I'm an extravert) is the clearest segment of my personality. While I did have high scores in Extraversion and Feeling (I make my decisions through compassion and identifying with people. I know. Another shocker,) the most clear segment of my personality was perceiving. This means, simply, that I don't plan things. I don't like schedules because I find them limiting. I want to take life as it comes instead of being overly prepared to deal with every problem that may come up. "P" could also stand for procrastinator :-P.

I've talked a fair amount in this blog about taking life as it comes and how schedules and goals limit life as it was meant to be lived. While I still really enjoy this approach to life, I must apologize to those who want to live life differently than I do. You are living life no less by scheduling it out.

I still like spontanaeity :-D it lets you go outside when it's sunny and get sunburnt while rock climbing shirtless in one of the most beautiful spots I know.