243

I've got a tension of some kind. My body is sore, and I know how that feels because I did it to myself. This seems to be a tension of the mind, but it's not stress. I don't know what it is, it just feels strange. Otherwise, I'm stoked to be around, alive, and kickin'. I do, however, wish it was sunny more often.

I was gearing up for the three day weekend until I found out that rain was forecast for this weekend. Man, do I need an adventure. I haven't been outside off campus in probably a week. I was hoping for some hiking and climbing with a friend, but that may not happen. Again.

I am the proud owner of a pair of Chacos and a climbing harness, which I got to use when some friends I made at the climbing wall belayed me (I got to go to the top!), then taught me how to belay. So fun. I'm set and stoked to climb really high stuff this summer.

Yesterday was very full. I am trying to stay away from the Ridge most of the time, and I tend to see more people on north campus if I hang out down there. So, I was away from the room from 9:30-ish up until about 11:00 PM. Which was totally fine, because it wasn't like I was doing nothing. I've gotten a ton of reading done, went to classes, did some hanging out, went to Core, and, the highlight of the night: went to an Associated Students meeting in which the board members approved (with reservations, I might add,) to approve an $8 a quarter raise in the health fee per student. While it's sort of a bummer that students have to pay for this, its totally worth it. It goes toward Crime and Sexual Assault Support (CASAS), Women's Empowerment and Violence Education (WEAVE), and other resources for student on campus that had lost their government funding. These organizations provide counseling for victims of violence and so on, and the additional fee ensures that they have counselors year round (incl. summer if I understand it correctly.) While I hope I never have to refer residents to these resources next year, they are valuable resources that should be available, and it was super cool to be there when the motion passed. Most people won't notice the $8 on their bill anyway, since it either goes straight to their parents or they don't look at the breakdown.

I am going to add here: Western students. Do have ANY idea how much this institution can do for you besides give you a degree in whatever? There's free tea and awesome people to talk to at the Wellness Outreach Center (WOC.) The fine folks at the Career Center will look over resumes, keep you informed on internships, and help you pick what you want to do with your life. If you get overwhelmed with school and life and need someone to "word vomit" all over, go to the Counseling Center.

By the way. I might add that you already pay for all of this anyway in your tuition.

I really just wish I had known all of this before. I remember looking down my breakdown and going "huh...I wonder what this $80 in fees is...oh well."

This evening I proxied at Resident Hall Association (RHA.) I had fun, believe it or not. Everyone was really happy and riled up, which made me more giggly than normal. It's awesome when people point at you and recognize you as the "most excited person they saw all day," or point at you from across the room and say "I love this guy!"

Yeah. I'm stoked on life. I've got a lot of reasons to be as happy as I am.

241

In these last few rainy days, I've had time to reacquaint myself with something I forgot I really enjoyed: reading. Currently, I'm working on Marx's Kapital and Stephan Ambrose's The Wild Blue, which is about B-24 pilots over Europe during the Second World War.

I have noticed, though, that I read things differently now, and specifically Ambrose. I have always enjoyed his writing, and it's the kind of writing that a guy like me can only hope to produce someday. But I've found that a lot of his main points are derived from personal interviews.

"What's wrong with that?," some may ask.

Well, nothing. One of the things we training to be historians learn is to take EVERYTHING with a grain of salt, and personal testimonies and interviews may seem to be a strong source, and they are; until you realize that these interviews are being given some 40-50 years after the events occured. A lot can happen to one's memory within that time frame. Events can be glorified or played down, as well as exaggerated. Names, places, dates, and times can be forgotten or changed. This could be done intentionally or completely by accident. Interviews are funny, because you can talk to five people who were at the same place at the same time and get five different perspectives on an event.

Ambrose builds much of his case on these interviews, including many with George McGovern (yes, the politician.) And while it's fascinating to read these stories, it's all from the perspectives of a limited number of pilots and airmen out of hundreds of thousands who served.

Knowing this has made reading more interesting. It's fun to be able to question what you read and decide if you agree with an author on a particular subject. One example: Ambrose writes that the vast majority of Army Air Force (AAF) airmen were between the ages of 2 and 10 when Limburgh flew across the Pond. He then deduced that this is why all of the men wanted to fly airplanes. I have yet to find his evidence. It's an interesting coincidence, yes, and it's also very possible. But there were many other benefits to flying in the air force, like not having to live in a foxhole with another guy in snow enduring constant shelling and machine gun fire. Hot food, a bed to sleep on. Sweet. Of course, you are also stuck in a giant tin can while flak and explosions burst all around you. Not so sweet.

I've gotten to do some more climbing indoors since it's raining, but I'm ready for another adventure down to the coast for some climbing. Hiking...AH! Must...get...out..side.

240

I have felt very tired all day. I went to bed earlier than normal, and I haven't pushed my body to its limits yet. I'm going to try and get some much-needed climbing in, so hopefully there will be people at the wall I can meet and draw some energy from.

I think it's the rain. It seems more life-sucking now that I've seen the sun for a few days. The strange thing is that it's still quite warm outside. It's still t-shirt weather, except that water is falling from the sky.

Got my midterms back today and they were about what I expected. Did some reading, tried like crazy to find ways to entertain myself, including slacklining in the rain. I've now successfully completed the 360 pivot. I switch feet, but it's still really fun. And this really cool lean-back thing that I picked up from a guy at Esther Short park over the weekend.

I think I'm gonna get a half-inch line here pretty soon. Just for a new challenge. And a harness so I can get some high-lines going.

I'm really crazy.

239

I spent my weekend in Vancouver dealing with the unseasonably scorching heat. While my primary reason for making the trip south was to watch my amazing mother play the piano with an orchestra, I got to see a bunch of my friends, make some new ones (Jenn, Lorrie, and Dan. See! I even remembered their names. Although I'm pretty sure I freaked them out a little bit..) I also was able to ride a bike, walk around barefoot, and make a once-customary midnight-ish run through Muchas Gracias for an Oregon burrito and loud conversation.

I got a lot of "hippy" comments this weekend at church and home. And yet I am unsure on how exactly to define the word "hippy."

I have long-ish hair.

I walk around without shoes most of the time.

I am against war or "premature" deaths of any kind.

I would rather slack line or rock-climb than play basketball or football.

I believe TV and movies are a waste of time and a creation of the bourgoisie to increase profit margins.

I appreciate nature enough to put up a fight against people who want to destroy it.

I believe in the rise of the proletariat.

I am sick of the Bush regime, but I'm also sick of politicians in general.

I don't understand how all are entitled to "liberty," but I can't ride my skateboard on campus.

Certainly other people fit in with these characteristics and yet do not consider themselves hippies. And while I am comfortable with the label, I would like to know what it is that people are going to assume about me if I am referred to in such a way.

I should note that I do not smoke bud. Nor will I ever. That's a bourgeois creation as well.

236

Today was a thousand times better than yesterday. It probably topped out at 70-ish degrees outside with complete bluebird skies. I got up, got lunch, read the newspaper, filmed a movie with my homies for the RA class, then went slacklining, followed by rock climbing on the beach (I finally found a few walls with sandy landings!) I'm now trying to figure out what to do next. I'm taking the train home tomorrow, so I've still got to get ready for that, as well as eat something.

There were a few times in the course of my adventure that I decided it was necessary to remove the flip-flops and barefoot the hike I was taking to the rocks. I'm really really dirty, way more than normal.

And yet I feel it would be a waste of water for me to take a shower, considering I smell fine.

Ya'll.

I think I'm a hippy.

235

I'm writing after having gone through one of my worst days as a student at Western. Choices that I make as a person trying to follow Christ in a world that really could care less have finally brought me into conflict with those I try so desperately to reach, the conflict that Christ himself made known would happen. While I know that I did the right thing, some very hurtful things were said to me, and I have spent the day enduring the arrows of the Evil One, trying with everything I have to extinguish the flames. In some moments I have been able to triumph, in most I have failed, left walking in the Bellingham drizzle feeling utterly alone. I have taken a beating today, and Satan won't let up for as long as I live, let alone this evening.

In a little over two hours, my friend and I will be helping lead Core. This is immensely stressful for me. I was really excited about this yesterday: now I just want to walk in the woods with friends that emit positive energy while I trudge through this day feeling inadequate.

But my feelings of inadequacy and insecurity are a lie of the Devil! I'm amazing! Fearfully and wonderfully made! The God of the Angel Armies loves me enough to send his son to this sinful Earth to die the death of a criminal on my behalf. I have no choice but to turn to him for help, and I am called to do no less.

I will praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
You are who you are
no matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
you hold in your hands
You've never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm.

232

Thanks, mom, for being amazing. Just thought I'd say that first.

Second, today was fun. I got to go to church at the time I wanted to go, revise my paper, make more friends, hang out at the rock wall, talk to my parents and chill with a bunch of people I've really connected with over the last few weeks. I get really good vibes from them, not that I don't from everyone else, but we're really ridiculous, an attribute to which I am told I'm a catalyst.

One other thing that's really cool: I really am comfortable with being ridiculous. I walk around without shoes most of the time, slap-five to random folks I come across, and dance and do cartwheels at dinner. It's a lot of fun, and even more fun when people say "Brandon, stop, you're embarrasing yourself." Which really means "Brandon, stop, you're embarrassing me." That is the best feeling ever, when you have control over someone's comfort level like that.

I certainly recognize that there are times to behave certain ways. For example, if I were to do cartwheels down the aisle during my mother's piano performance next weekend, I'm pretty sure that aside from getting to do cartwheels no good can come of it.

But when you're standing in a line to get movie tickets without shoes on and the person you're with turns to you and says "Would you please put your shoes on? It's really gross and embarrassing," I just love that moment where I can smile and say "Nope, I'm good" and just bask in the moment that I control that person's emotions.

Could be bad...

But it's funny :-D