159

This week has been so amazing on so many different levels. I've gotten to walk around without shoes, hang out and meet all sorts of cool people, found out I'm gonna be an RA next year, and I'm driving home tomorrow morning. I'm stoked to go out with my friends and see my friends get married.

On another note. I went on another one of my hikes today. I didn't intend to go for as long as I did, due to my friend not being able to come with me (sad day.) However, it was probably good that I went by myself, because it was really a struggle. Here's the background...

Last night at Core, we talked about spiritual gifts and being able to see demons and spirits. Some of the stories really creeped me out, seeing shadowy figures suddenly appear out of nowhere. The whole point was that with Jesus on our side, we can basically tell these things to piss off, and they have no choice but to do so: they can't stand God's presence.

Satan took advantage of this insecurity of mine today. The result was a spiritual battle while I was hiking this mountain. Through marshes, trees, and winding paths, I felt a weird presence around me. My eyes were doing funny things to me, not being able to focus on things. I had tingles like crazy all over my neck, and I was sweating SO much. I got hungry quicky. I got thirsty like the dickens. I kept looking behind me because I felt like I was being followed. At one point, I thought I saw a random shadow blitz across the trail a little ways in front of me.

Whether or not I was seeing things and my eyes were playing tricks on me, I was creeped out to the max. I prayed like crazy, and while funny feelings left me, I did business with God on some stuff. It was mostly the hike up that I was creeped out. The trip down was better, but still a little freaky because I took a trail that I didn't know. Oops.

I have hiked most of these trails numerous times and NEVER had a battle like I did today. It was pretty intense. It's not something I want to do again, because while I know that God has power over Satan, it's still scary and feels mega-crazy.

It was a cleansing that just happened to take 11 miles to complete, but it was good. One of my friends suggested that it was also related to my fasting from coffee. Hmmmm. I've also been climbing a lot. AndI should be stressing.

SUCH a good week.

Now I have to poop.

156 SO HAPPY

SO I had an amazing day today.

Got up normal time, but treated myself for breakfast via my own guest pass, since my normal meal plan doesn't cover breakfast because I sleep through it all the time anyway. Classes went as they normally do. I ate lunch, then decided to spend the rest of the afternoon on campus, wandering around to meet people and see if I saw anyone I knew.

Oh. Did I mention it was sunny?

Met some cool folk with a slack line and a hacky-sack. I sucked at hacky sack, but it was fun anyway. I even remember their names.

Got a call from an awesome friend, and although we're good friends the conversation seemed a little awkward for whatever reason. *meh* It was good talking to you, Dirk.

At this point, it was about 2:00, my flip flops were off, and I was feeling good. I shoved them in my backpack and kept walking.

Met a friend, who showed me what North Edens looks like on the inside. This 15 minute visit turned into meeting three-ish more people and walking around campus. Yes. Still barefoot.

45 minutes later, I went to the Gamma desk to get my mail, then wound up having a 40ish minute chat with the desk attendant. Good conversation. SCORE.

Ok. So I hate my skate deck right now. SO MUCH. The tail is too short relative to the other boards I've had, so I can't flip anything right. I had ordered a new one off Whiskey Milita, and it came today. SCORE.

I also received a letter today informing me that I have been selected as a Resident Advisor for the 2008/2009 school year, assuming I don't do anything dumb in the next few months. SCORE.

Went to dinner.

Came back from dinner. The pair of flip flops I've been wanting popped up on Steep and Cheap for about a third of the street price, half with shipping. SCORE.

It's been a good day.

I think I should either skate or write a paper now...

Yeah, I'm gonna skate.

155- Fragrance Lake

I wanted a cup of coffee more than ever today. SO MUCH. Alexandra and Megan both offered encouragement in different ways at breakfast as I scarfed down my cheesy potatoes. It was funny, because if I remember correctly, Megan offering some form of "Suck it up," while Alexandra talked about how cool it was that I was denying myself coffee for the sake of my spiritual growth. It didn't make it any easier, but it was nice to hear.

After church, I embarked on another hike. This was one of the more popular hikes in the Chuckanut system, so there were people everywhere, which sucked because they made a lot of noise and were slow hikers. I took a picture for you.

I talked to my parents today, and my dad reminded me of a digital camera that's at home that no one ever uses, so he offered it to me. Sweet. So hopefully there'll be some better pics coming out in the next few weeks.

I have also decided that if I get any sort of tax return, I'm buying my own climbing shoes. And I'm gonna save up for a decent mountain bike. I love this whole spring thing.

Day 153-A Break From the Norm

There are a few songs that I really relate to, and that's what I look for in music. If I relate to the artist in some aspect, I'm gonna love it. So here are a few of my favorite songs right now. Songs that speak to me and ignite something that makes me think or want to live better. I'll post lyrics to show what about the song I like.



It was a beautiful letdown

When I crashed and burned

When I found myself all alone, unknown, unheard


It was a beautiful letdown

The day I knew

All the riches this world had to offer me

Would never do

In a world full of bitter pain

and bitter doubts

I was trying so hard to fit in

Until I found out

That I don't belong here

----"Beautiful Letdown" -Switchfoot


I'm so tired of being alone, so hurry up and get here

----"Love Song For No One" - John Mayer

Take it easy

Take it easy

Don't let the sound of them old wheels drive you crazy

-----"Take it Easy"- The Eagles

Dare you to move

I dare you move

I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor

I dare you to move

I dare you to move

Like today never happened before

----"Dare You to Move"- Switchfoot

Don't think for one second

I will not question

US foreign policy, imperial aggression

Inventing war for the quenching of the thirst for the oil

'Cause money don't trickle down to workers who toil

---"Blink"- Blue Scholars

I want to wake up kicking and screaming

I want to live like I know what I'm leaving

I want to know that my heart's still beating

---"Awakening"-Switchfoot

After all I've seen, and all I've done

I know (hope, in my case) somewhere, there is someone

Who'll look my way, and say "I want that one"

---"My Kind of Woman"-George Strait

It basically comes down to me really liking Switchfoot. So that's all of them I can think of for now, but I'll add more as I go. There's a million more, but I've either already referenced them or can't remember them right now.

Day 152

Today turn glorious at right around 2:00, and I would have given just about anything to be out hiking. However, it was not meant to be. I was lured into an information meeting thinking it was an "internship," which wound up being an attempt to recruit me into being a commissioned door-to-door salesman for educational products. Once I found out what it actually was, I turned from an enthusiastic notetaker -albeit mostly due to the request of the presenter- to a sardonic pain in the butt. Irritated that I could have been out hiking and was snatched from the trail by the claws of a capitalist, I tried to make as clear as I could without saying it bluntly that it was a waste of my time, the customer's time and money, seeing as that would have been something my mom would have gotten me while I couldn't have cared less how "valuable of a resource" it was or how much it cost. This was real-deal capitalist exploitation of the masses and manipulated statistics, and it made me sick. And while I play the part of consumer to survive in this country, I will not become a bourgeouisie.

I politely sat through the first segment, then when the presenter asked if either of us (there were only two of us at this meeting) were still interested, and immediately said "This is DEFINITELY not for me."

"Ok. Then you're done."

"Thanks for your time."

And I was OUT OF THERE.

Otherwise, I got some reading done, which is important, since I don't do most of it. Got some skating done, which is good, since I needed the excersize. Hopefully I'll get out for a hike tomorrow, though I'm not getting my hopes up.

151 Days of Sheer Madness

I wanted to write yesterday to make it an even 150, but I failed.

I suppose I'm over halfway through the year now.

Been an interesting few days. Working on papers sucks big time, but I'm done now which is nice. Who knows how well I'll do on them, but it's beyond me at this point. Hit somewhat of a low yesterday, but I'm back on top of it now and feeling better.

Going home in a little over a week. I'm actually really excited to see my friends and family and swap out my guitars. My friends Tommy and Anna are getting married. (Yes Tommy, I'm thinking and praying for you both!) It's going to be very cool to be there, because I know it's gonna last.

I ate pizza for dinner. Which means I'm gassy. And I have Core in 20 minutes. It's gonna be fun.

Day 149- The Oyster Dome

So this hike was SO much fun. The first mile and a half were pretty much a piece of cake, the classic switchbacks althought they were somewhat steep. However, the last half pretty much kicked my butt. There were a lot of scramble type things, and it was one of those situations where you just had to keep trudging upward with the confidence that the view was going to be worth it. The trail even got snow on it at one point, which made it even more fun.

There's pretty much not much else to today. I got my 18 pages worth of papers done, now I just have to edit them. SUCK FEST. But at this point I can turn them in as is and at least get partial credit.

Yeah, I'm pretty much done.

147

I woke up this morning at about 8:30 to work on homework for about an hour and a half. I did succeed, over halfway done with one essay and about 2/5 done on the other one. So then I ate, sat around while my laundry was in the machine, and then left for the trail at about 1:00. I got back to campus at about 4:30, dead tired. I took some of the hardest trails in the system today, conquering a trail I have wanted to do since I got here and finishing one that I had to abort at an earlier date. Altogether, I figure I hiked about 8 miles total, which is a lot for taking last week off from hiking. I have huge blisters on the back of my heels, otherwise I could have gone further.

All the time I was hiking I was thinking about life, since I was by myself. I feel like my faith has grown in some ways since I got here, and I think part of it's because I've been increasingly exposed to nature. There's just something meditative and spiritual about it. Probably because God made it. Anyway, I kept thinking of this verse, and I don't remember where it is, but it's something about "narrow is the path that leads to salvation." It seemed fitting that the most winding and difficult trails on that mountain seem to have the best views. I'm not equating nature with salvation, but most people would rather drive on the freeway or sit at home watching TV than get out in the woods and hike and climb around all day. That's way less difficult, and they're missing out on some amazing aspects of life that God gave us to enjoy.

One more thing. I took a picture from Raptor Ridge (doesn't it just sound cool?!) and was going to send it to someone. Then I second guessed myself. The receiver of the message wouldn't understand. It's one thing to get a text message from where someone's been, but another entirely to stand on a big rock with an amazing view after you've scrambled up the trail with blisters on your heels after already having walked up steep winding switchbacks for 5 miles as your calves and thighs scream for you to let up. I didn't send the text message. I figured if they cared, they'd ask.

Grab life by the horns and fling it around a little bit. Don't be content with watching shows about life and nature. Get out and experience them the way God intended them to be.

Day 144

My cold's almost gone, so I'm feeling way better now. Was able to get out for a skate this evening after my eternal classes, and I keep discovering that my ankle isn't as strong as it used to be. I just can't stay off it long enough for it to feel complete again.

That's pretty much it. I have to read now.

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Earlier today, I saw a film called Johnny Got His Gun. It was one of the most depressing films I've seen. The main character was a soldier (basically an 18 year old kid) in World War I. It didn't cover his service and his experiences. He was in an impact crater when a shell went off next to him. As a result, he lost his arms, his legs, his hearing, his sight and his entire face became a gaping hole. The film is essentially his thoughts as he's laying there in a hospital, unable to communicate with anyone, all the while wishing he could just be allowed to die. The thing is, I wanted them to grant his request. At the end, when he finally became able to communicate through moving his head (the contact with the pillow was Morse Code) the brass wouldn't allow it. So they're just going to leave him laying on this stretcher. One of the nurses pinches off his breathing tube in mercy, but the captain stops her and gives him a sedative. Through all of this I'm going "YOU. IDIOTS. Just let this guy die."

I firmly believe that God alone has the authority to give and take life. SO I wasn't sure what to do with this. We can allow this man to die, or we can keep him alive and suffering. I know this has modern relevance, since there's debate going on about assisted suicide. But if it were I in this man's place, I would certainly just want to die so I could be with my Creator. With all of internet-dom as my witness, I will not spend the later years of my life hooked up to a machine.

I'm unsure what to do with this. I'm all for using medicine to cure illness, but when someone is entirely dependant on it humanity is sustaining this person's life, not God. Now, God could certainly have the janitor pull the plug on the machine and everything would be peachy.

I guess I'm against the notion that humanity thinks it can play God when we really have no business doing so.

It's late and I need to sleep.

143 "DANG"

I woke up this morning at 9:00, I think. Promptly put on George Strait, because he's one of the man. Went to class gladly, because Tuesdays and Thursdays are the days I really do like school. One class, it's interesting, and I feel like it's good information that pertains to something. The professor isn't afraid to swear or say something funny either, which just makes it that much more bearable.

Done with class. Eat lunch, work on a midterm. I got a good start on it, tomorrow I'll write more and then have to write for my other one too. FRICK. School sucks when you actually have to do homework and take tests.

Met with one of the co-leaders of Core, which is a CCF affiliated small group that I go to on Wednesdays. My meeting with him, which basically consisted of talking about life and prayer, really lifted me up. I've been a little down lately, and that pretty much helped me feel at ease about life.

Walked around downtown with a friend for awhile, then I felt like I needed a drive. So I drove my truck as fast as I could - safely- down Chuckanut Drive, a few miles down past Larrabee State Park. It's basically a windy road, for those of you that haven't been up here. It felt good to go fast, get through the gears, and live a little on the dangerous side of things again. I miss jumping off stuff and going fast.

141

So.

My professors decided that it would be good to hand out mid-terms the middle to end of this week. Which means that I have up to 24 pages of history bally-who to write about in the next week. What's funny is that these classes are totally different from last quarter's history courses in that I don't trust anything I read anymore, ESPECIALLY autobiographies, which one of them happens to be based upon. FRICK. So dumb.

My body also picked this weekend to have a highly adverse reaction to the absence of caffeine, specifically coffee, in my diet. In between all the normal symptoms of caffeine withdrawals (the shaking, the headaches, etc,) I am now dealing with a cold as well. It's minor at this point, and I'm doing everything I can to contain it. I went to bed at 11 last night, which is about two or three hours earlier than normal. I woke up at about 8, which is two or three hours earlier than normal, but I laid around until about 10.

Church was good. I felt like some of the verses were taken out of context, but there was a reason for it and they still fit the pastor's thesis, so it ended up being ok.

After church, I made my sick run to Haggen and Rite-Aid. Vitamin C drops, 3-ply Kleenex, four cans of soup, peppermint tea, and more Buckley's. This supplemented my Friday Costco run, in which I acquired Sweet and Salty bars, a three pound box of Cheez-Its, and a box of fruit snacks. So I've pretty much been unproductive today, and hopefully it doesn't get worse than this because next week is going to KICK. MY. BUTT, and I'm hoping to get out and have fun at some point...

Stay well. Being sick is lame.

Day 138

Hello. My name's Brandon. I have a coffee problem, and I need help.

I cannot remember a time in my life that I have ever been this tired all the freaking time. Yesterday, I had to skip a class because I had fallen onto my bed and couldn't get up. Just now, I sat up to find that an hour and a half of my life had passed without my knowledge.

This year, for Lent, I figured I needed to take care of my coffee problem. I was up to a pot a day, in addition to most meals and whenever I felt like I needed it. My existance is just about tied to coffee. From it I draw my strength, my energy, and it even has a soothing quality to it. I can sleep just as well with coffee in my system as without.

I awoke yesterday morning, went to class, and was fine for about the first hour. Then. It hit me. I felt like a blob with a headache. I wanted to do nothing. I laid down for a short nap, which turned into "I seriously can't got to class." As I was laying in my bed just now, I was shaking. Seriously shaking. It comes and goes. Today, I couldn't make out someone's face until I was 10 feet away and had already made a fool of myself, waving and smiling because I thought I knew them.

When people ask me why I'm so "down," I say "I'm not drinking coffee for awhile." I've been surprised at the number of people that actually know exactly what I'm up to. "Oh. For Lent?"

"Yeah."

Lent seems to be primarily observed by Catholics. I observe it because I feel it's good practice. It's been very helpful for me, especially since coffee is a part of my being. Giving that up strips me of some of the physical energy I'm used to having. Withdrawals suck. But that's where God comes in. When I'm in class dragging along more than normal I can call on him and he'll help strengthen me to keep me awake. And that's why I think Lent is worth observing.

No, I'm not better than you if you aren't observing Lent. In the long run, I don't think that God cares what you do to get close to him. My salvation isn't riding on it.

One final thought. It will be really interesting to see the person I am without coffee and caffiene coarsing through my veins every morning. Some of my friends (Siiiiimon, I knoooow you remember Montana) have seen me on withdrawals before, and it's not pretty. I've managed to not be short with people, so that's good. But I wonder if I'll be the same person, or more mellow, or more energetic. But right now, all I want to do is sleep.

Yeah. My head hurts.

Day 136. Good Grief, I'm Tired

This morning was probably one of the grossest EVER. I woke up to sirens and howling wind. 20-30 mph winds cut right through my jacket while a steady stream of rain soaked me as I walked to and from class. Seriously disgusting. If only going to class wasn't important to me.

Otherwise, today was uneventful. Came back to the room, played the bass and did pretty much nothing. Dinner was less than stellar, as usual.

Definitely not looking forward to tomorrow. Don't have much else to say.

Planning on rock climbing a bit later, but that's if I can get my butt off of my bed and actually get to the gym.

Day 135 I think

Sitting in my dorm waiting for my roommate to finish his Halo game so I can eat. He tends to throw a tantrum when people leave without him. I'm such a nice guy.

Otherwise, not a whole lot going on on this end of things. Super stoked, just found out that I passed my first interview, which means I have three more this weekend. FUN. I'm very glad to make it through though.

I'd like to know why people like gangsta rap. Totally serious. I have a reason for liking Blue Scholars, and that's that the words really resonate with me. But seriously. How does talking about women as if they are objects rather than actual people actually pass as music. Some say you don't listen to rap for the words, but rather the beat. Ok. So why "talk?" Leave all that crap out and see how you like it then. If it's based on the beat itself, then you don't need the words.

16 kills left for my roommate.

5 kills.
Ok so I don't have much time left. Hope everyone's week is going well.

Dinner time. More later. Maybe.

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Ok, so it's later and I'm just about bored stiff at this point.

We're watching the History channel in here, and there was just this program about the Pacific Coast Highway, talking about how it was prone to landslides and floods.

It never ceases to amaze me how stupid people can be.

I guess this is where I declare my stance on global warming or climate change or whatever. Here, in the 21st century, we insignificant humans tend to think that we've mastered the earth. We've just about explored everything, we've built skyscrapers, bridges, and cities as monuments to our superiority. Whether or not global warming or climate change exists, I don't know. I'm a history student, not a climatologist. I know the climate goes in stages, and that good snow years are hard to come by these days.

What I can tell you is that nature has it's way of getting back. If you're a Christian or even simply believe there's a God, you probably believe there's some element of divinity in this. I just know that there are certain things that are just dumb. Seriously. Building a house on the beach. Or on a cliff overlooking the beach. Or on an active volcano like Mt St Helens.

Nature can wreck us. Seriously, destroy all humanity. Well, God won't destroy the earth with a flood again. But that doesn't rule out the possibility of a massive tsunami wrecking the Washington coast. Hey, wait, that's me...

Day 133 (?)

Yesterday was a very full, very fun day. After class, I did some reading, hung out, and went on a hike late-afternoon. It was just about the perfect length, with a sweet view of the San Juans. We caught it right at the end of the sunset, so it was pretty cool. Walking back down was kinda interesting though, since the trail was pretty muddy and the light was pretty much non-existent. As prepared as I was for this, I was pretty dumb to not think to bring a flashlight. This was ok though, it made things more exciting.

Note: The forest at night is SO quiet. Awesome. I will remember this.

Hung out with the suitemates and went to bed at about 1:40. I think. Can't remember much.

Woke up this morning AT 10:30. Rolled out of bed immediately, showered, and breakfasted until about 12:15, ran to room, made coffee, went out to a friends house to chop wood. Fun, but I had utterly forgotten how to do this. It'll take a few more times until I relearn.

Now, I need to go skate, since it's not raining.