Day 138

Hello. My name's Brandon. I have a coffee problem, and I need help.

I cannot remember a time in my life that I have ever been this tired all the freaking time. Yesterday, I had to skip a class because I had fallen onto my bed and couldn't get up. Just now, I sat up to find that an hour and a half of my life had passed without my knowledge.

This year, for Lent, I figured I needed to take care of my coffee problem. I was up to a pot a day, in addition to most meals and whenever I felt like I needed it. My existance is just about tied to coffee. From it I draw my strength, my energy, and it even has a soothing quality to it. I can sleep just as well with coffee in my system as without.

I awoke yesterday morning, went to class, and was fine for about the first hour. Then. It hit me. I felt like a blob with a headache. I wanted to do nothing. I laid down for a short nap, which turned into "I seriously can't got to class." As I was laying in my bed just now, I was shaking. Seriously shaking. It comes and goes. Today, I couldn't make out someone's face until I was 10 feet away and had already made a fool of myself, waving and smiling because I thought I knew them.

When people ask me why I'm so "down," I say "I'm not drinking coffee for awhile." I've been surprised at the number of people that actually know exactly what I'm up to. "Oh. For Lent?"

"Yeah."

Lent seems to be primarily observed by Catholics. I observe it because I feel it's good practice. It's been very helpful for me, especially since coffee is a part of my being. Giving that up strips me of some of the physical energy I'm used to having. Withdrawals suck. But that's where God comes in. When I'm in class dragging along more than normal I can call on him and he'll help strengthen me to keep me awake. And that's why I think Lent is worth observing.

No, I'm not better than you if you aren't observing Lent. In the long run, I don't think that God cares what you do to get close to him. My salvation isn't riding on it.

One final thought. It will be really interesting to see the person I am without coffee and caffiene coarsing through my veins every morning. Some of my friends (Siiiiimon, I knoooow you remember Montana) have seen me on withdrawals before, and it's not pretty. I've managed to not be short with people, so that's good. But I wonder if I'll be the same person, or more mellow, or more energetic. But right now, all I want to do is sleep.

Yeah. My head hurts.