My cold's almost gone, so I'm feeling way better now. Was able to get out for a skate this evening after my eternal classes, and I keep discovering that my ankle isn't as strong as it used to be. I just can't stay off it long enough for it to feel complete again.
That's pretty much it. I have to read now.
---------------------
Earlier today, I saw a film called Johnny Got His Gun. It was one of the most depressing films I've seen. The main character was a soldier (basically an 18 year old kid) in World War I. It didn't cover his service and his experiences. He was in an impact crater when a shell went off next to him. As a result, he lost his arms, his legs, his hearing, his sight and his entire face became a gaping hole. The film is essentially his thoughts as he's laying there in a hospital, unable to communicate with anyone, all the while wishing he could just be allowed to die. The thing is, I wanted them to grant his request. At the end, when he finally became able to communicate through moving his head (the contact with the pillow was Morse Code) the brass wouldn't allow it. So they're just going to leave him laying on this stretcher. One of the nurses pinches off his breathing tube in mercy, but the captain stops her and gives him a sedative. Through all of this I'm going "YOU. IDIOTS. Just let this guy die."
I firmly believe that God alone has the authority to give and take life. SO I wasn't sure what to do with this. We can allow this man to die, or we can keep him alive and suffering. I know this has modern relevance, since there's debate going on about assisted suicide. But if it were I in this man's place, I would certainly just want to die so I could be with my Creator. With all of internet-dom as my witness, I will not spend the later years of my life hooked up to a machine.
I'm unsure what to do with this. I'm all for using medicine to cure illness, but when someone is entirely dependant on it humanity is sustaining this person's life, not God. Now, God could certainly have the janitor pull the plug on the machine and everything would be peachy.
I guess I'm against the notion that humanity thinks it can play God when we really have no business doing so.
It's late and I need to sleep.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
143 "DANG"
I woke up this morning at 9:00, I think. Promptly put on George Strait, because he's one of the man. Went to class gladly, because Tuesdays and Thursdays are the days I really do like school. One class, it's interesting, and I feel like it's good information that pertains to something. The professor isn't afraid to swear or say something funny either, which just makes it that much more bearable.
Done with class. Eat lunch, work on a midterm. I got a good start on it, tomorrow I'll write more and then have to write for my other one too. FRICK. School sucks when you actually have to do homework and take tests.
Met with one of the co-leaders of Core, which is a CCF affiliated small group that I go to on Wednesdays. My meeting with him, which basically consisted of talking about life and prayer, really lifted me up. I've been a little down lately, and that pretty much helped me feel at ease about life.
Walked around downtown with a friend for awhile, then I felt like I needed a drive. So I drove my truck as fast as I could - safely- down Chuckanut Drive, a few miles down past Larrabee State Park. It's basically a windy road, for those of you that haven't been up here. It felt good to go fast, get through the gears, and live a little on the dangerous side of things again. I miss jumping off stuff and going fast.
Done with class. Eat lunch, work on a midterm. I got a good start on it, tomorrow I'll write more and then have to write for my other one too. FRICK. School sucks when you actually have to do homework and take tests.
Met with one of the co-leaders of Core, which is a CCF affiliated small group that I go to on Wednesdays. My meeting with him, which basically consisted of talking about life and prayer, really lifted me up. I've been a little down lately, and that pretty much helped me feel at ease about life.
Walked around downtown with a friend for awhile, then I felt like I needed a drive. So I drove my truck as fast as I could - safely- down Chuckanut Drive, a few miles down past Larrabee State Park. It's basically a windy road, for those of you that haven't been up here. It felt good to go fast, get through the gears, and live a little on the dangerous side of things again. I miss jumping off stuff and going fast.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
141
So.
My professors decided that it would be good to hand out mid-terms the middle to end of this week. Which means that I have up to 24 pages of history bally-who to write about in the next week. What's funny is that these classes are totally different from last quarter's history courses in that I don't trust anything I read anymore, ESPECIALLY autobiographies, which one of them happens to be based upon. FRICK. So dumb.
My body also picked this weekend to have a highly adverse reaction to the absence of caffeine, specifically coffee, in my diet. In between all the normal symptoms of caffeine withdrawals (the shaking, the headaches, etc,) I am now dealing with a cold as well. It's minor at this point, and I'm doing everything I can to contain it. I went to bed at 11 last night, which is about two or three hours earlier than normal. I woke up at about 8, which is two or three hours earlier than normal, but I laid around until about 10.
Church was good. I felt like some of the verses were taken out of context, but there was a reason for it and they still fit the pastor's thesis, so it ended up being ok.
After church, I made my sick run to Haggen and Rite-Aid. Vitamin C drops, 3-ply Kleenex, four cans of soup, peppermint tea, and more Buckley's. This supplemented my Friday Costco run, in which I acquired Sweet and Salty bars, a three pound box of Cheez-Its, and a box of fruit snacks. So I've pretty much been unproductive today, and hopefully it doesn't get worse than this because next week is going to KICK. MY. BUTT, and I'm hoping to get out and have fun at some point...
Stay well. Being sick is lame.
My professors decided that it would be good to hand out mid-terms the middle to end of this week. Which means that I have up to 24 pages of history bally-who to write about in the next week. What's funny is that these classes are totally different from last quarter's history courses in that I don't trust anything I read anymore, ESPECIALLY autobiographies, which one of them happens to be based upon. FRICK. So dumb.
My body also picked this weekend to have a highly adverse reaction to the absence of caffeine, specifically coffee, in my diet. In between all the normal symptoms of caffeine withdrawals (the shaking, the headaches, etc,) I am now dealing with a cold as well. It's minor at this point, and I'm doing everything I can to contain it. I went to bed at 11 last night, which is about two or three hours earlier than normal. I woke up at about 8, which is two or three hours earlier than normal, but I laid around until about 10.
Church was good. I felt like some of the verses were taken out of context, but there was a reason for it and they still fit the pastor's thesis, so it ended up being ok.
After church, I made my sick run to Haggen and Rite-Aid. Vitamin C drops, 3-ply Kleenex, four cans of soup, peppermint tea, and more Buckley's. This supplemented my Friday Costco run, in which I acquired Sweet and Salty bars, a three pound box of Cheez-Its, and a box of fruit snacks. So I've pretty much been unproductive today, and hopefully it doesn't get worse than this because next week is going to KICK. MY. BUTT, and I'm hoping to get out and have fun at some point...
Stay well. Being sick is lame.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Day 138
Hello. My name's Brandon. I have a coffee problem, and I need help.
I cannot remember a time in my life that I have ever been this tired all the freaking time. Yesterday, I had to skip a class because I had fallen onto my bed and couldn't get up. Just now, I sat up to find that an hour and a half of my life had passed without my knowledge.
This year, for Lent, I figured I needed to take care of my coffee problem. I was up to a pot a day, in addition to most meals and whenever I felt like I needed it. My existance is just about tied to coffee. From it I draw my strength, my energy, and it even has a soothing quality to it. I can sleep just as well with coffee in my system as without.
I awoke yesterday morning, went to class, and was fine for about the first hour. Then. It hit me. I felt like a blob with a headache. I wanted to do nothing. I laid down for a short nap, which turned into "I seriously can't got to class." As I was laying in my bed just now, I was shaking. Seriously shaking. It comes and goes. Today, I couldn't make out someone's face until I was 10 feet away and had already made a fool of myself, waving and smiling because I thought I knew them.
When people ask me why I'm so "down," I say "I'm not drinking coffee for awhile." I've been surprised at the number of people that actually know exactly what I'm up to. "Oh. For Lent?"
"Yeah."
Lent seems to be primarily observed by Catholics. I observe it because I feel it's good practice. It's been very helpful for me, especially since coffee is a part of my being. Giving that up strips me of some of the physical energy I'm used to having. Withdrawals suck. But that's where God comes in. When I'm in class dragging along more than normal I can call on him and he'll help strengthen me to keep me awake. And that's why I think Lent is worth observing.
No, I'm not better than you if you aren't observing Lent. In the long run, I don't think that God cares what you do to get close to him. My salvation isn't riding on it.
One final thought. It will be really interesting to see the person I am without coffee and caffiene coarsing through my veins every morning. Some of my friends (Siiiiimon, I knoooow you remember Montana) have seen me on withdrawals before, and it's not pretty. I've managed to not be short with people, so that's good. But I wonder if I'll be the same person, or more mellow, or more energetic. But right now, all I want to do is sleep.
Yeah. My head hurts.
I cannot remember a time in my life that I have ever been this tired all the freaking time. Yesterday, I had to skip a class because I had fallen onto my bed and couldn't get up. Just now, I sat up to find that an hour and a half of my life had passed without my knowledge.
This year, for Lent, I figured I needed to take care of my coffee problem. I was up to a pot a day, in addition to most meals and whenever I felt like I needed it. My existance is just about tied to coffee. From it I draw my strength, my energy, and it even has a soothing quality to it. I can sleep just as well with coffee in my system as without.
I awoke yesterday morning, went to class, and was fine for about the first hour. Then. It hit me. I felt like a blob with a headache. I wanted to do nothing. I laid down for a short nap, which turned into "I seriously can't got to class." As I was laying in my bed just now, I was shaking. Seriously shaking. It comes and goes. Today, I couldn't make out someone's face until I was 10 feet away and had already made a fool of myself, waving and smiling because I thought I knew them.
When people ask me why I'm so "down," I say "I'm not drinking coffee for awhile." I've been surprised at the number of people that actually know exactly what I'm up to. "Oh. For Lent?"
"Yeah."
Lent seems to be primarily observed by Catholics. I observe it because I feel it's good practice. It's been very helpful for me, especially since coffee is a part of my being. Giving that up strips me of some of the physical energy I'm used to having. Withdrawals suck. But that's where God comes in. When I'm in class dragging along more than normal I can call on him and he'll help strengthen me to keep me awake. And that's why I think Lent is worth observing.
No, I'm not better than you if you aren't observing Lent. In the long run, I don't think that God cares what you do to get close to him. My salvation isn't riding on it.
One final thought. It will be really interesting to see the person I am without coffee and caffiene coarsing through my veins every morning. Some of my friends (Siiiiimon, I knoooow you remember Montana) have seen me on withdrawals before, and it's not pretty. I've managed to not be short with people, so that's good. But I wonder if I'll be the same person, or more mellow, or more energetic. But right now, all I want to do is sleep.
Yeah. My head hurts.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Day 136. Good Grief, I'm Tired
This morning was probably one of the grossest EVER. I woke up to sirens and howling wind. 20-30 mph winds cut right through my jacket while a steady stream of rain soaked me as I walked to and from class. Seriously disgusting. If only going to class wasn't important to me.
Otherwise, today was uneventful. Came back to the room, played the bass and did pretty much nothing. Dinner was less than stellar, as usual.
Definitely not looking forward to tomorrow. Don't have much else to say.
Planning on rock climbing a bit later, but that's if I can get my butt off of my bed and actually get to the gym.
Otherwise, today was uneventful. Came back to the room, played the bass and did pretty much nothing. Dinner was less than stellar, as usual.
Definitely not looking forward to tomorrow. Don't have much else to say.
Planning on rock climbing a bit later, but that's if I can get my butt off of my bed and actually get to the gym.
Monday, February 4, 2008
Day 135 I think
Sitting in my dorm waiting for my roommate to finish his Halo game so I can eat. He tends to throw a tantrum when people leave without him. I'm such a nice guy.
Otherwise, not a whole lot going on on this end of things. Super stoked, just found out that I passed my first interview, which means I have three more this weekend. FUN. I'm very glad to make it through though.
I'd like to know why people like gangsta rap. Totally serious. I have a reason for liking Blue Scholars, and that's that the words really resonate with me. But seriously. How does talking about women as if they are objects rather than actual people actually pass as music. Some say you don't listen to rap for the words, but rather the beat. Ok. So why "talk?" Leave all that crap out and see how you like it then. If it's based on the beat itself, then you don't need the words.
16 kills left for my roommate.
5 kills.
Ok so I don't have much time left. Hope everyone's week is going well.
Dinner time. More later. Maybe.
-----------------------------------------
Ok, so it's later and I'm just about bored stiff at this point.
We're watching the History channel in here, and there was just this program about the Pacific Coast Highway, talking about how it was prone to landslides and floods.
It never ceases to amaze me how stupid people can be.
I guess this is where I declare my stance on global warming or climate change or whatever. Here, in the 21st century, we insignificant humans tend to think that we've mastered the earth. We've just about explored everything, we've built skyscrapers, bridges, and cities as monuments to our superiority. Whether or not global warming or climate change exists, I don't know. I'm a history student, not a climatologist. I know the climate goes in stages, and that good snow years are hard to come by these days.
What I can tell you is that nature has it's way of getting back. If you're a Christian or even simply believe there's a God, you probably believe there's some element of divinity in this. I just know that there are certain things that are just dumb. Seriously. Building a house on the beach. Or on a cliff overlooking the beach. Or on an active volcano like Mt St Helens.
Nature can wreck us. Seriously, destroy all humanity. Well, God won't destroy the earth with a flood again. But that doesn't rule out the possibility of a massive tsunami wrecking the Washington coast. Hey, wait, that's me...
Otherwise, not a whole lot going on on this end of things. Super stoked, just found out that I passed my first interview, which means I have three more this weekend. FUN. I'm very glad to make it through though.
I'd like to know why people like gangsta rap. Totally serious. I have a reason for liking Blue Scholars, and that's that the words really resonate with me. But seriously. How does talking about women as if they are objects rather than actual people actually pass as music. Some say you don't listen to rap for the words, but rather the beat. Ok. So why "talk?" Leave all that crap out and see how you like it then. If it's based on the beat itself, then you don't need the words.
16 kills left for my roommate.
5 kills.
Ok so I don't have much time left. Hope everyone's week is going well.
Dinner time. More later. Maybe.
-----------------------------------------
Ok, so it's later and I'm just about bored stiff at this point.
We're watching the History channel in here, and there was just this program about the Pacific Coast Highway, talking about how it was prone to landslides and floods.
It never ceases to amaze me how stupid people can be.
I guess this is where I declare my stance on global warming or climate change or whatever. Here, in the 21st century, we insignificant humans tend to think that we've mastered the earth. We've just about explored everything, we've built skyscrapers, bridges, and cities as monuments to our superiority. Whether or not global warming or climate change exists, I don't know. I'm a history student, not a climatologist. I know the climate goes in stages, and that good snow years are hard to come by these days.
What I can tell you is that nature has it's way of getting back. If you're a Christian or even simply believe there's a God, you probably believe there's some element of divinity in this. I just know that there are certain things that are just dumb. Seriously. Building a house on the beach. Or on a cliff overlooking the beach. Or on an active volcano like Mt St Helens.
Nature can wreck us. Seriously, destroy all humanity. Well, God won't destroy the earth with a flood again. But that doesn't rule out the possibility of a massive tsunami wrecking the Washington coast. Hey, wait, that's me...
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Day 133 (?)
Yesterday was a very full, very fun day. After class, I did some reading, hung out, and went on a hike late-afternoon. It was just about the perfect length, with a sweet view of the San Juans. We caught it right at the end of the sunset, so it was pretty cool. Walking back down was kinda interesting though, since the trail was pretty muddy and the light was pretty much non-existent. As prepared as I was for this, I was pretty dumb to not think to bring a flashlight. This was ok though, it made things more exciting.
Note: The forest at night is SO quiet. Awesome. I will remember this.
Hung out with the suitemates and went to bed at about 1:40. I think. Can't remember much.
Woke up this morning AT 10:30. Rolled out of bed immediately, showered, and breakfasted until about 12:15, ran to room, made coffee, went out to a friends house to chop wood. Fun, but I had utterly forgotten how to do this. It'll take a few more times until I relearn.
Now, I need to go skate, since it's not raining.
Note: The forest at night is SO quiet. Awesome. I will remember this.
Hung out with the suitemates and went to bed at about 1:40. I think. Can't remember much.
Woke up this morning AT 10:30. Rolled out of bed immediately, showered, and breakfasted until about 12:15, ran to room, made coffee, went out to a friends house to chop wood. Fun, but I had utterly forgotten how to do this. It'll take a few more times until I relearn.
Now, I need to go skate, since it's not raining.
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