Within the course of the last few days, I've come to a realization about myself. It has come about that in more than one case I have been somewhat of the go-to guy in times of crises. So I sit in my broken, no-armed-no-backed rolley chair and I listen intently until they're done talking. Which would mean that it becomes my turn to talk at some point. However, I find myself without words with which to comfort the distressed.
I've never had a girlfriend, and thus I've never had to deal with the termination of a romantic relationship. My parents love eachother and have for more than 23 years, which means there's no divorce that I've had to deal with, and thus no jumping in between homes. I don't really get angry even when provoked, I've never done drugs, and my high school seemed devoid of drama.
And so when it comes time to say "I know what you're going through," I can't, because that would be lying. As a result, what I end up saying is "I don't know what to say. I've never experienced anything like that, and I can't imagine what you're going through."
In some cases this is adequate, because really the person came to talk to me because they knew I would listen. In other cases my response merely makes the situation seem worse. Then they talk some more. I ask questions, then listen to their responses.
I know I'm supposed to love them like Jesus, that I don't have all the answers to life's questions. But I really just have nothing to say. I feel that nothing I can say can make them feel better about their situation.
I know I can't solve every problem, but I at least want to help the person enough to where they can leave the room and feel glad that they came in to spend time with me, even if their problem isn't solved.
On the flip side, some people have been through some pretty lame experiences. I don't have to have gone through them to know that they suck. I just wish I had something more constructive to say to them.
Jesus loves you, this I know / For the Bible tells me so
Little ones to him belong / They are weak, but he is strong
About Me
- Brandon
- I work at a software company in Bellingham, love reading, writing, being outside, and studying the different cultures God has created to worship him. Ascribe to the LORD the glory due his name.
3 comments:
Sometimes there aren't words, but knowing that someone cares will win hands down over a pile of words any day. I think it's really awesome that you find yourself in this particular dilemma. You've talked earlier about wanting people to know that you care. Well, they must think you do care to come and tell you their struggles. I don't think they expect you to fix anything. I think what they want most is to walk away feeling like they're not alone.
And yes, love them like Jesus. You can do no more, and Jesus calls you to do no less.
Brandon. You're the man. To be honest, I don't end up in those very often. Haha, I can't say I know how you feel. heheheheh
I'm sure the fact that you care shows itself. I think your mom is right to say that is what your friends are looking for. Knowing someone cares is huge.
Keep it up.
Haha that was partly directed at me wasnt it... anyways, it really does help just to have someone that I know will listen to me, even if you don't feel like your helping. It's almost more of a help in some situations when you dont try to find the solution and you just ask questions that make me reevaluate the situation and rethink my descisions.. I dont know if that made any sense but whatever...
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