Day 67- Restless Again

It's a cold, bright sunny day up in Bellingham, and I can only imagine what the conditions are like on Mt Baker. It's days like these I wish I was a ski bum, or was free to do whatever. Actually, I would go shredding tomorrow if I had my stuff up here. As the mountains gather snowpack and the snow season shapes up, I think of what I'm gonna do when I get done being here. This summer is up in the air, and while I am contemplating being an RA next year, I would love to just not have a home this summer, driving around the western states until I figure out where I'm gonna wind up. SO much fun to think about! I do know that I need to get out of the country for at least a few days sometime soon.

John is still in bed, though he seems to be awake at this point in time. He looks to be coloring something...meh.

I was also realizing I really miss making music with people. Jamming along to my iTunes is cool, but it's not the same thing as playing with real people. I need to be active right now.
AAAHHH GOING CRAZY

Am I ever going to fit anywhere?! Am I continually going to wish I was somewhere else? Most of the time, I'm content being here, but its days like today that make me wish I lived on a mountain somewhere.

Day 66 random thought

So I was standing in line today, in two different places, actually. One was Miller Market, the other was at the VU waiting to get lunch. I realized that some people just shouldn't talk for no other reason than their voices are immensely annoying. Really. I could probably be included in that. Yeah, that's not the Christian thing to think or say, but it was a moment I had where I was internally screaming "SHUT. UP." I don't know if anyone else thinks about these things.

For what it's worth, and to make myself look a little more humane, it was a fleeting thought. In part because they actually stopped talking and went somewhere else. Or I ran from them.

That's it.

Day 65

I'm doing better, thanks for asking. I got my shizzle figured out and it feels good. I have a chunk of time I am going to use to explore some things I've been thinking about in my copious amounts of free time. I may write one now and one at a later date. We'll see what happens.

I was recently asked by a friend what I thought of the peace talks set to take place between Mahmoud Abbas of Palestine and Ehud Olmert of Israel. A few things came to mind. Some of them I told him via Facebook, here are some other thoughts I had in addition to the ones I gave him.

First. It's great that Olmert and Abbas are trying to work things out. However. Don't let GW "help" them. Find someone else. It's ridiculous to me that he was (and is) so critical of what Clinton tried to accomplish, and yet here he is doing the exact same thing. He and the Hawks have been a disaster at foreign policy so far, and this is his last ditch effort at something worthwhile. Seriously. Make someone else do it.

Second. This just might work. Yes, they're optimistic. They were optimistic last time, too. I feel like the time is right for it, due to political stuff happening in Israel right now and the resurgance of the Likud party (Olmert is from the Labor party, I believe, because the Likud is very much against negotiations of this type. Well. Sharon was Likud. ANYWAY.) The opportunity may or may not arise for these talks again. Whether or not the agreement is recognized in future governments of Israel and Palestine, only time will tell.

Third. Even if this does work, you've still got Hamas in all their militancy that don't recognize Israel, and thus won't recognize any of their agreements. So. People are still going to die.

This isn't really a point I wanted to make, but I wanted to mention it. Saudi Arabia will be represented at these talks. This is interesting because they still don't recognize Israel's right to existance. They are clearly on the side of Abbas. But they will be there. They have a lot of clout because they have oil, so we'll see what happens.

The other thing. And I have been thinking about this for awhile. One of the things on the table is to be Jerusalem and who gets it. To Jews, Christians, and Muslims alike, it's a holy place. Not to me. I believe Jerusalem used to be God's city. When Jesus died for us, it lost that special significance. God dwells within the Christ follower. The Church is his city, we are his chosen nation. Does that make sense to anyone but me?

Speaking as a budding historian, Jerusalem does indeed have historical significance. However. It's still dirt. It's a man-made place with man-made significance. Mortar, brick, stone, plaster, whatever. It's dirt. There's nothing holy about it. Same with Mecca, Medina, Bethlahem. I can't be any holier by visiting any of these places. There are so many things that matter more. Family. Friends. Time. Having a relationship with God. Music. So people fighting and blowing themseves up over who gets what holy site seems ridiculous to me. It's dirt.

Also, I must recognize there are differences in beliefs between a 20 year old caucasion male from Bellingham, Washington, a 60 year old Jew from Jerusalem and a 30 year old Palestinian that grew up in a refugee camp in the Gaza Strip.

What does make sense to me, though, is the whole issue of people living in refugee camps because Europeans decided to kick out the people who were living in Israel and decided that the Jews deserved it more. I sympathize with the Palestinian's plight. I know I wouldn't like it if someone from Russia (or something) came knocking on my door and told me I had fifteen minutes to vacate because the land I live on was once the land of Native Americans, and now it was being given back to them. That would suck. I'd deal with it, but it would be lame.

So that's one thought. I will do the other one some other time.

Day 63- Back Home

So I went home this weekend for Thanksgiving. Now, though, I'm home. In Bellingham. Because although there are some awesome things in Vancouver (thank you, friends!) I like it here better.

I would like to take this moment to express a few things. One: Thank you so much, you six people that read this, however often. It's awesome that you care about what I think and what's happening in my life.

Two: I'd like prayer. I have some things I have been thinking and praying about a ton. I won't go into specifics, because they aren't important. Just keep me in your prayers.

I all of a sudden feel quite...lame...overwhelmed, perhaps? The five hours of driving and two hours of rocking out I did this morning probably aren't helping the situation. I felt very encouraged by worship this morning, even though it's very different than church up here. Yeah, I played guitar, but I see things looking out at people that someone standing in the congregation doesn't notice. I'm gonna leave it there for now. I'm taking a walk.

Day 61

Tired...I actually really miss Bellingham right now. I can't spend 4 hours in front of a TV by myself up there.

This morning I woke up at about 9:30, made coffee, and dashed out the door to the parts store. I spent the morning dealing with the belts on my truck, and it turned out to be more of a hassle than I thought it would be. Went and got lunch with James, then went to Costco and
Bi-Mart in search of a mini-refridgerator for my dorm in B-ham. I did find one, thanks for asking, then plopped my sorry butt right in front of the TV with my crochette hook, watched TV for awhile and then played Guitar Hero for about 45 minutes, meaning that everything I see resembles somewhat of a shape-shifting blob.

So I pretty much had a day running errands and being at home. I think I need to sit and read for a bit though...I have some stuff I have to catch up on.

Sorry, no big thoughts today.

Day 60- Thanksgiving Shouldn't Start This Early

I am up early this morning for no other reason than having to drive two hours to get to our family gathering. We call it the TDA - like when a rabbit get's pulled from a hat- for Tai, Adent, Douglass. Usually the TDA involves being at some location that's near a body of water or a mountain. But anyway.

Do ya'll (yes, all three of you) know how funny it is that we pick one day out of our lives to be thankful for all we've been giving. I've been really blessed with friends and family, and there are more days out of the year that I realize this. However, there aren't as many of them as there should be. Just a thought.

So Happy Thanksgiving. Everyday. I love you all.

Day 58: Let's Bash Jesus, Round 2

Ok. So that's not entirely accurate. The people who were bashed are people I would say deserve it. Like Pat Robertson (I think he is the one that said Arial Sharron [former PM of Israel for those of you care] deserved to have a stroke) and Rush Limbaugh. And mostly just religion in general.

So here's the context. Reading this book called "The Handmaid's Tale" by Margaret Atwood, in which religion has become the state. Yes, it's distopic, the story of a woman in this society. It's in the northeastern part of our country..which has been historically....PURITAN. Yay for those who knew that. Anyway. In this country, the Republic of Gilead, who are fighting a perpetual war with the Baptists, and this woman, and all women, are entirely under the thumb of men. Their sole purpose is for reproduction, and sex in Gilead has no pleasure what-so-ever. People don't even get naked while it's happening. And here's the crazy part. Atwood incorporates biblical scripture, verses that ACTUALLY exist, to justify the actions of those in the society. For example. Remember the story of Hagar? You know, Sarai's servant who was given to Abraham to have Ishmael? Yeah. She quotes it. It's justification for sex between a man and the handmaidens (yes, this guy has like thirty of them,) since children are scarce. It's completely Puritan to the max extreme, beyond how even the Puritans did things. Wrong-doers, whether they performed an abortion 10 years in the past, or recently had a homosexual affair, are killed, then hung on a hook with a bag over their head for all to see. They call it the Wall.

This is absolutely terrifying. If this happened, I'd go live in the mountains where no one could find me and probably freeze to death. As we discussed this, numerous people spoke up saying they thought this could realistically happen. I sure hope not.

It made it a little better to hear religion bashed when I myself am critical of it sometimes. I believe that God himself would be critical of a society such as the Republic of Gilead, due to the complete absence of love in the society. As a result, so am I. I was truly terrified reading this book. And I still have more to read. Fun.

The sun is out. And I'm going home tonight. I'd better go enjoy the skating while I can. Peace out, and enjoy whatever you've got going for the day.

Day 56 "That's What I Love About Sunday..."

Woke up this morning and went to church with Alexandra and Mike. Rocked out to DC Talk on the way and just had a blast the whole time. Came back, went to breakfast, now here I am finding new ways to procrastinate. I've already sent about eight Facebook messages, now I am trying to find ways to not read this crappy science fiction novel I have to read for my English class. My skateboard is calling me "Brandon. Brandon." And I think I'm gonna give in. Curses. Skateboarding, here I come.

Day 55. Tired.

So I spent yesterday afternoon writing a paper that's due Monday. "But why? It's only Friday." You ask. Well, it's because of a few things. First. It was wet outside, which means I can't slack line or skateboard, the two staple activities of my procrastination. Second. NOTHING was happening in this general vacinity. Usually, we can get a Halo game going in all of five minutes. But not today. One of us (being suitemates) was on the phone with his girlfriend. Another was either in class or writing. A lot. The other five were nowhere to be found. So, my intention was to write until I got distracted and call it a day. I did go to CCF (one of the on-campus ministries here) and got super high on God, which was amazing. I returned to my dorm, grabbed my skateboard and went to one of the dry spots I know of and worked on switch and nollie heelflips for awhile, then returned to the dorm to get distracted somewhere else. I recieved an invitation to get drunk, but I think I said "We'll see." Still, at 9:30, everyone was gone or busy. I at this point completely finished my paper, and wrote the bibliography too. I was completely done at about midnight, which was precisely when everyone decided to emerge from their holes. Four of us played several round of Halo, then Cameron and Mike decided to have a "really bad writing contest." by this time it was nearly 2:00 AM, and David and I mindlessly mashed buttons on Tony Hawk's Pro Skater while Mike cracked up at his own writing. The results of said contest were golden, with all of us crying from laughter and Mike almost pissing himself he was laughing so hard. After more button mashing, I called it a night at 3:30, and slept until 11 this morning. John is still asleep, or at least trying to be. I am awake, but don't know what else to do because my paper is done. I'm thinking of trying to knit. But I am unsure at this point. We'll see. I could go skate too. That was a lot of fun, but I usually try to avoid that during the day because the rent-a-cops throw a hissy fit.

Day 52- Meant to Live

Woke up today feeling darned close to amazing. I did have a bit of a headache, but it went away as I got up and moving. It's cold up here, so I huffed to to my classes sucking on more vitamin C. As I finished classes and went to lunch, I was lucky enough to get a window seat, and stared out at the Canadian Coastal mountain range. There looked to be fresh snow on some of the peaks, and I pretty much remembered my love of winter, snow, and the mountains right there. I immediately grew incredibley restless, thinking "How in the world and I gonna get out of here?" Being a college kid is rough enough, but it's even rougher when you have somewhat of an adventurous spirit and want to see the world. I put on Switchfoot's album "Beautiful Letdown" and just looked at creation, and I wanted to see it all. I thought of dropping all my classes, taking "W's" on all of them, and moving to Sandpoint, Idaho. Or maybe Bozeman, Montana. I thought of Jackson Hole, Wyoming, and finally settled on Winter Park, Colorado. Yeah, there's no mountains back east. Sorry. Ya'll may think they're mountains, but they're just big hills.

I love mountains. And going fast down them.

HEHE. I get the giggles. Who wants to be adventurous with me? I'm thinking of maybe going to Alberta at some point...been there twice and loved it both times...

Day 51

The night before last, an immense amount of crap blew around outside. I emerged from my dorm at about 11, after more typing on a paper, to discover branches and debris everywhere. Trees were broken in half. Our dumpster had rolled east to the top of the ridge, where it promptly fell over. I also spent the day sick, much of it in bed and when I wasn't sick in bed, I was in the library writing my paper.

Today, I stayed in bed resting through my classes, then went to the store to buy drugs for my aching head. I picked up some Buckley's (those of you who have been sick in Canada know the stuff,) tissues, and vitamin C hard candies. I do feel much better, thank you for asking, though I still have some stuff to get over.

Otherwise, I spent today reading and putting finishing touches on my paper. That's pretty much the extent of it.

I'm hungry again. I put onions and BBQ sauce on my chicken burgers at dinner, and it was pretty close to being fantastic.

Day 49-SPLAT! That's crap hitting the fan...

So today, I woke up at about 11, ate, did laundry, typed on my paper, and talked on the phone. That's about the extent of it, though around 9:15 I decided I needed some alone time and drove my truck on the freeway up to Birch Bay. Then I turned around, got Arbys, and came back. Plans were in the works for another fast food run, but I feel myself getting a cold and that's pretty lame. Tomorrow I have to get a bunch of school stuff done, so I would prefer to not be sick while that's happening.

Tootles.

It'll be Thanksgiving soon.

Day 46

Slept like crap last night. Went to sleep at about midnight with every light on, because John was still working on school stuff (or YouTube-I never know-) I had a crazy dream or spasm or something. All I know is that the lights were still on at 2:00 when I woke up yelling "NO!" and swatting my empty water bottle across the room. I remember this because John said, at this point -and I know he was talking to me because we made eye contact- "Way to go, Spiderman!" WHAT!??! That was it, because I was out again like a light. But not like ours. Because John woke me up again at 5:00 getting into bed, and didn't bother to turn the lights off. So I got up and turned all the lights off before climbing into bed once more.

Otherwise, today has been alright. I've been analyzing letters from Chinamen in John Day OR in the really late 19th century pretty much all afternoon, except for the phone call I made and the late lunch break I took right after class to go meet my friend James who was in town for the day.

Overall, I think I need to have a breakdown every once in a while to keep me from getting too comfortable, and that's what happened last night. There's a lot of things I still have to do, but it looks a little less daunting now.

Read the first half of Ecclesiastes again. Man, I love that book. I also came across a quote in one of the letters I've been working on. "Who could know that Fate is always opposite to man's design?" It's like Murphy's Law, except cooler sounding.

I think that's it for today. Overall status, I'm doing well.

45 Days of this Insanity

Today, I woke up at about 10 and made it to all of my classes, then ate lunch. Then, I came back to my dorm and spent two hours analyzing this letter from a Chinese immigrant, written in 1897. I developed two pages worth of notes on a two page letter. My head hurts. Then I pretty much played guitar, ate dinner, sat around, went to a suite meeting. No, it wasn't "sweet." It sucked. Then I watched TV, played Halo, and here I am.

Pray-ers out there. Pray for God's peace in me. Pray that I would have wisdom in all that I do and how I spend my time. It's pretty much all hitting the fan in the next week and a half, and a pot of coffee is not always an option. In addition, my brain pretty much shuts off to anything academic at about 10 PM, so pray that I would get good sleep and think clearly. It's gonna get loud around here the next few days (for the record, I will not be participating in the "festivities,") so pray that no one gets hurt Thirsty Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. And I guess Sunday too, because Monday is Veteran's Day.

I think that's all.

This is my head hitting the keyboard.


7u7u

nh

Day 44. I had another one of my thoughts today

What is morality? Can anyone put a definition on it? Yet we call upon governments to regulate it, and design political parties to promote it in order to gain power in government. I know you all (all two of you who actually read this thing) know of the Moral Majority. This implies that the rest of people (non-believers according to the logic of those minds) can't possibly be moral because they don't belong to the right political party. Since I'm on my soapbox now, I have heard that a Democrat -or Liberal (you're supposed to say it with a sneer)- and I'm referring right now to Ann Coulter's book Godless, are less moral than Republicans, making the bold assertion that a belief in God is what seperates Liberals from Conservatives. I have to note here, though, that I acquired this information via TV interview with the author, and I haven't actually read the book. Yeah I know, I'm supposed to leave that out because it detracts from my argument, but it's better than someone asking me about it and me saying "Uh, yeah, I haven't actually read that." So there it is.



I'm upshifting now, since going 60 mph in third can be kind of grating. Except I'm going to skip fourth and go straight to fifth. The reason I ask this question of morality is that there are so many people that don't have Christ in their life that believe that murder, lying, and cheating are wrong. I was watching an interview with Jon Stewart and Chris Matthews in which Chris Matthews had written a book arguing that one should live their life like a politician, doing everything they could to stay on top of the system. Much to my delight, Jon Stewert let this guy HAVE IT. Stewart said that Matthew's book saddened him, that someone would promote deception (which Matthews specifically mentions) and say that that would lead to a better life for that individual. (It was also very funny because the next day, in response to Matthew's comment on the air that this was "the book interview from hell," Stewart said that it was too bad that Matthews had expected the interview to be good, because Stewart had taken the time to read Matthews' book, but Matthews had apparently neglected to ever watch Stewart's show.)



On morality though, and I am so sorry this is so disjointed, I am pretty much free-writing at this point, most of us have this innate sense of what is write and wrong. For one, to kill another human being for no reason at all is wrong. To sleep with someone else's spouse is generally considerred wrong. Now, in a non-western society, this may not be the case. And that's why I don't know what morality is. I know what I believe is moral, but my morals are likely completely different from someone elses.



I have long struggled with this idea of tolerance. Is morality dependent upon the society in which you live? I don't believe so. I am going to be "intolerant" at this point and say that there are certain things that are wrong no matter where you are. However, it's not likely I will call someone out for breaking my idea of morality. I can think one one case recently in which I had to, because I felt that it caused people to derive certain things about me that just weren't true. And of course, if we're friends and of the same belief system and you do something I believe is questionable, I will at least ask about it. For the record, I would expect my friends to do the same thing with me.



Anyway. I think my mind is tapped out on this right now. I know this, because it's starting to hurt.



Last night, John left at around 11 and I haven't seen him since. There are hardly any clothes in his closet, and he left in a hurry, although I wasn't paying attention, I just heard the door slam. I know I shouldn't, but I worry about him sometimes. I hope he didn't get hit by a truck or something. I like him too much.



It does at this point appear that B-ham has decided to rain at last, after yesterday's glorious sunshine. So I sit in my room, think, type, and play guitar, thinking about how I should be reading two books for tomorrow's lecture and discussion.

So I should probably do that.

Hope everyone's days were awesome. Or at least better than mine.

Day 42. It Took Me 6 Hours To Get Here

This weekend, I paid a visit to my hometown, the 'Couve, to play the bass on Sunday, which just happens to be today. While I was in town on "business," I was able to get out and hang out quite a bit. The end result: going to bed at about 2:00 AM each "night," not sleeping much last night, getting up and giving every ounce of energy within me back to God in worship, then hopping back on a train for a six hour ride to B-ham only to get pwned by my suitemates in a Halo match. I'm spent. AND I WOULDN'T TRADE IT FOR THE WORLD. I had so much fun this weekend! And I want to that everyone who saw me or that I saw for the amazing weekend. Yeah, I'm wasted. But I can rest when I'm dead. So. Thank you. You're awesome.

Otherwise, things seem to be normal here. There's a bunch of school work I have to do here, with two papers due before Thanksgiving break. So I should probably go to sleep so that I can focus on school in the morning. That's all.

Day 39- What in the WORLD does that mean?

For the last few days, I've been thinking. We all know Jefferson's words (borrowed from my good friend John Locke) in the Declaration of Independance. Ya know. Inalieable rights, "Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of happiness."
The meaning of each of those terms depends drastically upon whom you ask.

For example. What is life? Breathing? Working in a cubicle all day crunching numbers? Cruising down a mountain with a piece of fiberglass strapped to your feet? Worshiping the Creator of all things in music, prayer or service? Climbing a mountain? Working in the garden? Partying until you start puking? These are all plausible answers. Here's the question; who is right? People may agree on who is right, but who really is? What Jefferson meant back in 1776 was likely completely different than what we mean now. He may have meant the simple act of breathing. Which I suppose means that people have the right to actually be alive. Ok. Fine. I'll buy that. But if all I did was breath, this would be some crummy, mundane existance.

Liberty. What does that mean? To be free? How free of a society is it when a group of friends can't ride their skateboards in a parking lot without being told that their fun is intolerable and that they can't skate on campus, like what just happened to myself a few minutes ago. The thing is, you can get a ticket for riding a skateboard anywhere in Bellingham. Some freedom. What would Jefferson say to that? Chances are, he didn't realize that the capitalism which he so willingly supported would grow so intense that the simple of breaking an arm could mean years of legal wrangling over who had to pay for it.

The pursuit of happiness. OK. This is the one that's really been on my thoughts. There's two parts to this: the "pursuit" part and the "happiness" part. The pursuit is intersting, because it sort of implies that happiness cannot be obtained. However. As a United States citizen, I have the right to try to be happy. Happiness. What does it mean to be happy? To me, the first thing that comes to mind is to be content with the situation, if only for a moment in time. Say, I'm playing the bass in a church service, and I'm helping lead people into the presence of God with the worship team, and while I'm playing, I feel so close to my Creator that I just want to dance. To me, that's happiness.

Reading in Ecclesiastes about "Vanity of vanities, all is vanity" That makes me happy, because it's a really righteous guy (Solomon) being brutally honest about the world.
Ecclesiastes is what actually got me on this topic. If you own Switchfoot's album Nothing is Sound, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. If you don't, you need to read the entire book of Ecclesiastes, then listen to the album again. Because it's definitely a driving force in Jon Foreman's writing. I'm a student of history, and every day I become more evident of this world's brokenness. Where others see beautiful cities, I see corruption, violence and a policy of forcing Native Americans to assimilate because white people "do it better." Pastors in big churches across the country being discovered in sexual sin. Wildfires burning down people's houses. Centuries of deception and distrust in the Middle East accelerated by oil hungry, faction splitting, deceiving imperialist nations.

That's why I like Ecclesiastes. It tells me I'm not alone. One of the wisest people in the history of the world felt the same way that I do. He comes to a few conclusions. One: Have fun while it lasts. You have one chance at life on this dustball we call Earth, so make it worth every second.
Second: "Fear God and his commandments, because this applies to every person. For God will bring every act to judgement, everything which is hidden, whether it is good or evil."

We've got one shot. Make it worth it.