250!

Today, I decided, should be reserved as a rest day for my once-again aching body. I should probably stretch a bit more often.

I have been by myself for most of the day, and I'm a little bummed out about it. It's kind of a gross day, so I'm not as excited as I should be. I do have the weekend to look forward to, though, so I am looking forward to three solid adventures (yet to be planned, mind you, but they will happen.)

I gave my testimony at Core last night. It was kind of exciting, but I wish I had gone a bit deeper and talked about some of the struggles I've had. Honestly, they've almost all been mental up until now. I did get to express my love for the book of Ecclesiastes and read a chunk towards the end where things seem to get a bit happier. I got a couple funny looks when I talked about how much I liked the book, perhaps because it was unfamiliar, and perhaps because it's sort of depressing in parts. I, on the other hand, find it totally refreshing that one of the wisest men ever to set foot on this dustball we call earth recognized that life sucks a lot of the time and that our relationship with God is all that matters.

I especially love chapter 11: 9-10.

9 Rejoice, young man, during your childhood, and let your heart be pleasant during the days of young manhood. And follow the impulses of your heart and the desires of your eyes. Yet know that God will bring you to judgement for all these things (I LOVE the eternal perspective!) 10 So, remove vexation from your heart and put away pain from your body, because childhood and the prime of life are fleeting.

This can seem depressing from one perspective. "Awe, man, the prime of my life is fleeting!"

But from my perspective: That's right now! I am actually told to follow my heart and my eyes, as long as these things are honoring to God.

SO cool.

I'm a little tired right now, hopefully that'll pass soon enough. Like I said, I'm gearing up for the weekend.

248 Written in the Wee-Morning Hours of 249

I'm sorta burnt out. I didn't sleep well last night, and I'm still rebounding from the fullness of the weekend. I'm sort of stressed and the tension I cited last week seems to have returned. I think I need another sunny-day adventure. They seem to make everything better, at least for awhile.

Getting about halfway through my history reading for tomorrow, I decided that I couldn't read anymore, then went out to watch the sunset.

Sunsets to me are a glimpse into what this world was supposed to be like before we went and mucked it up.

247

So, today is Memorial Day. It's also kind of disgusting outside. Which means that I am taking advantage of having the room to myself and watching Band of Brothers while my muscles rest from seven straight days of climbing and being active. It's hard to do, yes, but it's necessary to ensure that I can continue climbing and adventuring. Thankfully, it's sort of raining, so I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. I may pull my slackline out a bit later, though.

Returning to the day at hand, I keep thinking of these lyrics from a Blue Scholars song

America romanticize the old war story
Heroes, ammo, guns, blood, guts and glory

Part of me views this day as a creation of our government in order to continue that tradition, and to some extent, I'm sure that it's so.

The other part of me is filled with gratitude and appreciation that there are those who think that their country is worth dying for. A standing army (or at least the ability to defend itself) is a huge part of what makes a nation what it is: it has to protect it's own sovereignty to ensure stability. We owe this relative stability to the people who signed up to be a part of this defense, and to those who didn't dodge the draft even if they didn't believe in it. It takes guts to jump out of a trench, run off of a Higgins boat into three feet of water, or land a helicopter in the jungle all while facing artillery, machine-gun, and small arms fire. It's something I hope I never have to experience.

I have my views on war, violence, death and destruction.

But I must recognize those who are willing to die to protect my right to hold the views that I do.

246

I'm beat. I have spent the last three days adventuring various out-lying areas of Bellingham. I'm climbed a lot, I've hiked a decent amount, and gotten a solid dose of vitamin-D. I feel my face getting that stretchy feeling that usually means a sunburn, so we'll see how it looks in the morning. My left arm has sandstone rash on it from a botched bouldering route. My arms and back hurt a lot, but all the pain is worth the good times that came with it.

I've been thinking a lot lately. I was realizing today, sitting on the beach surrounded by amazing rocks, sand, and seaweed how difficult it's going to be to go home this summer. I've made a lot of really good friends up here, and leaving them all for three months is going to be lame.

Three-ish weeks left of this madness. I love school, I love my friends, I love Bellingham. But since I am spending one more summer in Vancouver, I am so glad that I get to spend it the way I do. More adventure.

Sweet.

243

I've got a tension of some kind. My body is sore, and I know how that feels because I did it to myself. This seems to be a tension of the mind, but it's not stress. I don't know what it is, it just feels strange. Otherwise, I'm stoked to be around, alive, and kickin'. I do, however, wish it was sunny more often.

I was gearing up for the three day weekend until I found out that rain was forecast for this weekend. Man, do I need an adventure. I haven't been outside off campus in probably a week. I was hoping for some hiking and climbing with a friend, but that may not happen. Again.

I am the proud owner of a pair of Chacos and a climbing harness, which I got to use when some friends I made at the climbing wall belayed me (I got to go to the top!), then taught me how to belay. So fun. I'm set and stoked to climb really high stuff this summer.

Yesterday was very full. I am trying to stay away from the Ridge most of the time, and I tend to see more people on north campus if I hang out down there. So, I was away from the room from 9:30-ish up until about 11:00 PM. Which was totally fine, because it wasn't like I was doing nothing. I've gotten a ton of reading done, went to classes, did some hanging out, went to Core, and, the highlight of the night: went to an Associated Students meeting in which the board members approved (with reservations, I might add,) to approve an $8 a quarter raise in the health fee per student. While it's sort of a bummer that students have to pay for this, its totally worth it. It goes toward Crime and Sexual Assault Support (CASAS), Women's Empowerment and Violence Education (WEAVE), and other resources for student on campus that had lost their government funding. These organizations provide counseling for victims of violence and so on, and the additional fee ensures that they have counselors year round (incl. summer if I understand it correctly.) While I hope I never have to refer residents to these resources next year, they are valuable resources that should be available, and it was super cool to be there when the motion passed. Most people won't notice the $8 on their bill anyway, since it either goes straight to their parents or they don't look at the breakdown.

I am going to add here: Western students. Do have ANY idea how much this institution can do for you besides give you a degree in whatever? There's free tea and awesome people to talk to at the Wellness Outreach Center (WOC.) The fine folks at the Career Center will look over resumes, keep you informed on internships, and help you pick what you want to do with your life. If you get overwhelmed with school and life and need someone to "word vomit" all over, go to the Counseling Center.

By the way. I might add that you already pay for all of this anyway in your tuition.

I really just wish I had known all of this before. I remember looking down my breakdown and going "huh...I wonder what this $80 in fees is...oh well."

This evening I proxied at Resident Hall Association (RHA.) I had fun, believe it or not. Everyone was really happy and riled up, which made me more giggly than normal. It's awesome when people point at you and recognize you as the "most excited person they saw all day," or point at you from across the room and say "I love this guy!"

Yeah. I'm stoked on life. I've got a lot of reasons to be as happy as I am.

241

In these last few rainy days, I've had time to reacquaint myself with something I forgot I really enjoyed: reading. Currently, I'm working on Marx's Kapital and Stephan Ambrose's The Wild Blue, which is about B-24 pilots over Europe during the Second World War.

I have noticed, though, that I read things differently now, and specifically Ambrose. I have always enjoyed his writing, and it's the kind of writing that a guy like me can only hope to produce someday. But I've found that a lot of his main points are derived from personal interviews.

"What's wrong with that?," some may ask.

Well, nothing. One of the things we training to be historians learn is to take EVERYTHING with a grain of salt, and personal testimonies and interviews may seem to be a strong source, and they are; until you realize that these interviews are being given some 40-50 years after the events occured. A lot can happen to one's memory within that time frame. Events can be glorified or played down, as well as exaggerated. Names, places, dates, and times can be forgotten or changed. This could be done intentionally or completely by accident. Interviews are funny, because you can talk to five people who were at the same place at the same time and get five different perspectives on an event.

Ambrose builds much of his case on these interviews, including many with George McGovern (yes, the politician.) And while it's fascinating to read these stories, it's all from the perspectives of a limited number of pilots and airmen out of hundreds of thousands who served.

Knowing this has made reading more interesting. It's fun to be able to question what you read and decide if you agree with an author on a particular subject. One example: Ambrose writes that the vast majority of Army Air Force (AAF) airmen were between the ages of 2 and 10 when Limburgh flew across the Pond. He then deduced that this is why all of the men wanted to fly airplanes. I have yet to find his evidence. It's an interesting coincidence, yes, and it's also very possible. But there were many other benefits to flying in the air force, like not having to live in a foxhole with another guy in snow enduring constant shelling and machine gun fire. Hot food, a bed to sleep on. Sweet. Of course, you are also stuck in a giant tin can while flak and explosions burst all around you. Not so sweet.

I've gotten to do some more climbing indoors since it's raining, but I'm ready for another adventure down to the coast for some climbing. Hiking...AH! Must...get...out..side.

240

I have felt very tired all day. I went to bed earlier than normal, and I haven't pushed my body to its limits yet. I'm going to try and get some much-needed climbing in, so hopefully there will be people at the wall I can meet and draw some energy from.

I think it's the rain. It seems more life-sucking now that I've seen the sun for a few days. The strange thing is that it's still quite warm outside. It's still t-shirt weather, except that water is falling from the sky.

Got my midterms back today and they were about what I expected. Did some reading, tried like crazy to find ways to entertain myself, including slacklining in the rain. I've now successfully completed the 360 pivot. I switch feet, but it's still really fun. And this really cool lean-back thing that I picked up from a guy at Esther Short park over the weekend.

I think I'm gonna get a half-inch line here pretty soon. Just for a new challenge. And a harness so I can get some high-lines going.

I'm really crazy.

239

I spent my weekend in Vancouver dealing with the unseasonably scorching heat. While my primary reason for making the trip south was to watch my amazing mother play the piano with an orchestra, I got to see a bunch of my friends, make some new ones (Jenn, Lorrie, and Dan. See! I even remembered their names. Although I'm pretty sure I freaked them out a little bit..) I also was able to ride a bike, walk around barefoot, and make a once-customary midnight-ish run through Muchas Gracias for an Oregon burrito and loud conversation.

I got a lot of "hippy" comments this weekend at church and home. And yet I am unsure on how exactly to define the word "hippy."

I have long-ish hair.

I walk around without shoes most of the time.

I am against war or "premature" deaths of any kind.

I would rather slack line or rock-climb than play basketball or football.

I believe TV and movies are a waste of time and a creation of the bourgoisie to increase profit margins.

I appreciate nature enough to put up a fight against people who want to destroy it.

I believe in the rise of the proletariat.

I am sick of the Bush regime, but I'm also sick of politicians in general.

I don't understand how all are entitled to "liberty," but I can't ride my skateboard on campus.

Certainly other people fit in with these characteristics and yet do not consider themselves hippies. And while I am comfortable with the label, I would like to know what it is that people are going to assume about me if I am referred to in such a way.

I should note that I do not smoke bud. Nor will I ever. That's a bourgeois creation as well.

236

Today was a thousand times better than yesterday. It probably topped out at 70-ish degrees outside with complete bluebird skies. I got up, got lunch, read the newspaper, filmed a movie with my homies for the RA class, then went slacklining, followed by rock climbing on the beach (I finally found a few walls with sandy landings!) I'm now trying to figure out what to do next. I'm taking the train home tomorrow, so I've still got to get ready for that, as well as eat something.

There were a few times in the course of my adventure that I decided it was necessary to remove the flip-flops and barefoot the hike I was taking to the rocks. I'm really really dirty, way more than normal.

And yet I feel it would be a waste of water for me to take a shower, considering I smell fine.

Ya'll.

I think I'm a hippy.

235

I'm writing after having gone through one of my worst days as a student at Western. Choices that I make as a person trying to follow Christ in a world that really could care less have finally brought me into conflict with those I try so desperately to reach, the conflict that Christ himself made known would happen. While I know that I did the right thing, some very hurtful things were said to me, and I have spent the day enduring the arrows of the Evil One, trying with everything I have to extinguish the flames. In some moments I have been able to triumph, in most I have failed, left walking in the Bellingham drizzle feeling utterly alone. I have taken a beating today, and Satan won't let up for as long as I live, let alone this evening.

In a little over two hours, my friend and I will be helping lead Core. This is immensely stressful for me. I was really excited about this yesterday: now I just want to walk in the woods with friends that emit positive energy while I trudge through this day feeling inadequate.

But my feelings of inadequacy and insecurity are a lie of the Devil! I'm amazing! Fearfully and wonderfully made! The God of the Angel Armies loves me enough to send his son to this sinful Earth to die the death of a criminal on my behalf. I have no choice but to turn to him for help, and I am called to do no less.

I will praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
You are who you are
no matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
you hold in your hands
You've never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm.

232

Thanks, mom, for being amazing. Just thought I'd say that first.

Second, today was fun. I got to go to church at the time I wanted to go, revise my paper, make more friends, hang out at the rock wall, talk to my parents and chill with a bunch of people I've really connected with over the last few weeks. I get really good vibes from them, not that I don't from everyone else, but we're really ridiculous, an attribute to which I am told I'm a catalyst.

One other thing that's really cool: I really am comfortable with being ridiculous. I walk around without shoes most of the time, slap-five to random folks I come across, and dance and do cartwheels at dinner. It's a lot of fun, and even more fun when people say "Brandon, stop, you're embarrasing yourself." Which really means "Brandon, stop, you're embarrassing me." That is the best feeling ever, when you have control over someone's comfort level like that.

I certainly recognize that there are times to behave certain ways. For example, if I were to do cartwheels down the aisle during my mother's piano performance next weekend, I'm pretty sure that aside from getting to do cartwheels no good can come of it.

But when you're standing in a line to get movie tickets without shoes on and the person you're with turns to you and says "Would you please put your shoes on? It's really gross and embarrassing," I just love that moment where I can smile and say "Nope, I'm good" and just bask in the moment that I control that person's emotions.

Could be bad...

But it's funny :-D

231-GROSS

It's warm here, but cloudy and is threatening rain. Thankfully I've got another day to study up on school stuff, because Monday is midterm day. SICK.

This weekend being Mother's Day, this university pretty much died. In my walk to the library today to work on a paper I saw one person, and there's normally people out and moving by 1 in the afternoon on a Saturday. The weather isn't awesome either, so maybe that has something to do with it.

I feel like I'm having an off-day. I think I know what my issue is, but I can't seem to pin it down completely.

OH. Today was my first day in three days that I had coffee, which proves that I can DEFINITELY function without it. Strange thing is that I felt pretty good until about two hours ago. I guess I crashed. Maybe I need to dump this stuff completely...we'll see what happens.

I'm off to do some exploring to relieve myself of the ever nagging feeling that I really should be studying. I've done a fair amount already, so I feel justified.

Golly, it looks gross outside.

Where are all the people!?

229

As a part of my Resident Advisor class I was mandated to pay for a personality test, specifically the Meyer-Briggs Type Indicator, or the MBTI for short, because everyone loves acronyms. I have so many acronyms floating around in my noggin that I wonder how I remember them all.

So I'm an ENFP: Extraverted-Intutitive-Feeler-Perceiver. I have taken this test before, and when I took it then I was an ESFP, which means I was sensory instead of intuitive. Either way, I'm right on the line in between the two, with a slight inclination toward intuition. I can't say I'm surprised, because I knew I had changed in that area.

Sensors and intuitives basically take in information in different ways. Here's the difference: intuitives tend to take a big picture approach to information, then filling in the gaps with facts and figures. Sensors do things the opposite way: they take in all the little tidbits of information and build up to the big picture using those facts.

I was in class today taking notes and had this in mind. I found myself writing down the main idea, then just listening to the statistics without writing them down, because I've always taken notes this way. That doesn't mean the minute details don't matter, because they do. But they support the big picture, which is what I'm interested in.

The other thing I want to talk about (surely you all know that I'm an extravert) is the clearest segment of my personality. While I did have high scores in Extraversion and Feeling (I make my decisions through compassion and identifying with people. I know. Another shocker,) the most clear segment of my personality was perceiving. This means, simply, that I don't plan things. I don't like schedules because I find them limiting. I want to take life as it comes instead of being overly prepared to deal with every problem that may come up. "P" could also stand for procrastinator :-P.

I've talked a fair amount in this blog about taking life as it comes and how schedules and goals limit life as it was meant to be lived. While I still really enjoy this approach to life, I must apologize to those who want to live life differently than I do. You are living life no less by scheduling it out.

I still like spontanaeity :-D it lets you go outside when it's sunny and get sunburnt while rock climbing shirtless in one of the most beautiful spots I know.

228

Within the course of the last few days, I've come to a realization about myself. It has come about that in more than one case I have been somewhat of the go-to guy in times of crises. So I sit in my broken, no-armed-no-backed rolley chair and I listen intently until they're done talking. Which would mean that it becomes my turn to talk at some point. However, I find myself without words with which to comfort the distressed.

I've never had a girlfriend, and thus I've never had to deal with the termination of a romantic relationship. My parents love eachother and have for more than 23 years, which means there's no divorce that I've had to deal with, and thus no jumping in between homes. I don't really get angry even when provoked, I've never done drugs, and my high school seemed devoid of drama.

And so when it comes time to say "I know what you're going through," I can't, because that would be lying. As a result, what I end up saying is "I don't know what to say. I've never experienced anything like that, and I can't imagine what you're going through."

In some cases this is adequate, because really the person came to talk to me because they knew I would listen. In other cases my response merely makes the situation seem worse. Then they talk some more. I ask questions, then listen to their responses.

I know I'm supposed to love them like Jesus, that I don't have all the answers to life's questions. But I really just have nothing to say. I feel that nothing I can say can make them feel better about their situation.

I know I can't solve every problem, but I at least want to help the person enough to where they can leave the room and feel glad that they came in to spend time with me, even if their problem isn't solved.

On the flip side, some people have been through some pretty lame experiences. I don't have to have gone through them to know that they suck. I just wish I had something more constructive to say to them.

Jesus loves you, this I know / For the Bible tells me so
Little ones to him belong / They are weak, but he is strong

226-RANDOM

Slow down, you're crazy child,
Take the phone off the hook and disappear for awhile.
It's alright, you can afford to lose a day or two.
When will you realize Vienna waits for you?

I love this segment of the Billy Joel song "Vienna." Vienna is a metaphor for the rest of your life, and it's about people that spend their whole life worrying themselves to death about their direction in life, living life like a checklist of things to do. Terrible. At least to me.

This coming from the guy who climbs his body into a hole and hikes until he can't anymore.

Anyway, today is Cinco de Mayo. Which in America is really just an excuse to shoot tequila and eat copious amounts of Mexican food. I used to know what Cinco de Mayo meant. I know it's not the Mexican Independance Day. I seem to recall there being something to do with peasants defeating an invading army, which would have likely been French or Spanish, but I don't know for sure.

I was going to do a post on immigration, but I seem to have forgotten what I was going to say within the course of the last eight hours.

It had something to do with loving people.

224-Gotta Say, I'm a Little Confuzzled...

Upon a reheat of my coffee, I heard a loud *POP* and opened the door to the microwave to find coffee dripping from the ceiling of said appliance...random.

I have done just about nothing today. No, really. I took a rest day. A real Sabbath. Which for me is just about unheard of. I don't know what I think of it, because I mostly just felt tired. I took a nap, read a bunch, cleaned my desk out, listened to the music I wanted to listen to (my roommate is out of town,) and basically just thought about stuff.

Words cannot express the beauty I see when I look out my window. It rained all day. The fog blanketted the hills surrounding the university. I don't remember watching anyone walk past the football field that I can see. But as I finished my chapter of Soviet history, I looked out the window to see the sun hitting the tree tops, the sky turning pink in the fading light. Birds started chirping. Oh my, leaving this place will be hard! I only have a month and a half left, too.

I had one of my moments. One of the times in which I could just forget life and go do whatever I wanted without the concern for money and prior obligations. I have decided I don't really want stuff. I'll hang on to my bass, my guitars, my computer, and my iPod. Maybe I'll keep my truck. Meh. It's just stuff. It'll burn in the end. I still believe the real treasure of this life is centered in God-centered experiences and relationships.

Having a conversation with my friend at breakfast, I was asked what I was going to do when I graduate. It was the coolest thing ever to be able to say "I dunno. I go where I'm led" and actually mean it.

I'm so excited for life! I have no idea where I'll end up. But this next year is going to be AMAZING! I'm so content with life. I've got it made.

223-Kinda Grey

Today was somewhat of a low point in Brandon's spring quarter. I've been riding high for a really long time, so a tiny fluctuation in the amazingness could be counted as a low point. Anyway. I feel like I'm back on top of things. I would, however, like to find some good old fashioned fun tonight that doesn't involve sitting in front of a screen watching a movie.

I found out today that the United States is continuing to blow stuff up. I really struggle with this. Think of it however you want, in terms of U.S. citizens saved, or Somalian's killed. People are still dying.

I learned the other day that the United States develops $1.5 billion in debt a day.

Why can't we stop blowing stuff up and focus on feeding people?

222- Hey! Three Twos, One More Waste of Bandwidth

I know I haven't written too much in the last few days, and that's because not too much has happened. It's been not-raining for the last few days, so I've done a lot of being outside and goofing off. Rock climbing has worn me out and at the moment I'm genuinely tired of it. The last time I felt like this though, I was about to break V2, so I think I'm on the cusp of V3 (difficulty rating of bouldering routes, I think they go to V17...just so you know how terrible at this I am.)

I guess that an update on me would be that while I am having SO much fun this quarter, I'm having to work out some things and make some decisions about my future that I don't really want to make. I'm having to rely on God a TON and just follow where he's taking me, and trust him more than my own feelings and mind. I'll let you know what these things are when I have a more firm idea of what they look like and when I know what's going on with them.

Making friends everywhere. Man, I really love it up here. I'm going to miss it this summer.

I ate three pork carnitas for dinner. Which I shouldn't have done. But when the folks up here make something good, you eat as much as you can.