264- FINALS WEEK: DAY 4

DONE. Turned in my final paper this morning for history and have pretty much spent all day goofing off seeing people. Went climbing outside, slacklining, and just overall screwing around. I'm not sure what's going on this evening, so I'm working on this while I figure out what's happening. Options are somewhat limited when nearly everyone has gone home.

This is my last post under this blog. I'll have a new one set up for the summer, then set up a different one for next school year.

I guess this is where I actually talk about what I learned throughout the course of the school year. Strangely, most of what I have acquired seem to be ways of processing and viewing information rather than the information itself. I couldn't tell you most of the tidbits of information that I have gleaned from my American History course. But when I can look at newspaper articles and figure out the different paradigms used by countries for their foreign policy, I get really excited, because it's really interesting.

But what about me? What has changed about me since I've been here? Not only in terms of beliefs and perspectives, but also in personality?

We'll do the positive aspects first. I have really come to love the outdoors and such related activities. I have always been an active person, constantly needing something to do to avoid boredom, but when there's something about waking up "early" to hit the trail to a bouldering route when just about everyone around you is still asleep or hung over from the happenings of the night before. It's a great way to communicate with my Maker, have genuine hangouts and good conversations with people, just being in stuff that's really cool to look at. I had the thought today that everything in nature somehow reflects God's character. Pretty cool stuff.

Second, I have embraced my natural extravert a lot more. Sometimes I tend to be really mellow when I first meet people, but it's so much more fun to leave an impression on someone. For example. It's gotta be more fun to meet someone with a whole cupcake shoved in their mouth than someone who simply offers a half-wave and a "Hi, I'm Brandon." Yeah, I've freaked a few people out, but that's ok. Spring quarter was really fun for a few reasons, one of which was my natural tendency to meet people, which meant that I saw people I knew all the time, and I wasn't scared to look them in the eyes and high-five them every time I saw them. The sun helped too, but a rainy day is more bearable if you have people with whom to hole up and watch movies.

Third, I can honestly say my faith in God has deepened. This is pretty much the coolest thing ever, to know that God's got the helm and my trying to take it from him isn't going to help anything, but rather lead to my driving into a hillside. I've also realized the importance of memorization. There's that whole AWANA bit, which is cool, but I've honestly forgotten almost all of those verses. When you're seven years old, all you know is that if you learn this phrase, you get points. The goal is not a deeper understanding of Christ and the tools to defend yourself from Satan's flaming arrows, but rather to win a series of games to obtain bragging rights and candy. You aren't moved by the eloquence of a Psalm, nor appreciate Solomon's candid words on life as it is, nor feel pushed by Paul's constructive criticism and encouragement. That kind of appreciation comes with age and the ability to understand how it benefits you. And I've finally reached that point. Finally. 21 years in the making.

Ok, so there's some things I need to work on as well. This may sound really strange, but the main thing is self-confidence. I've always been scared to rock the boat, to go out on a limb and say things that aren't popular or appreciated. But I think it goes deeper than that. Sometimes I genuinely feel that no one cares about what I have to say, which is, of course, a lie. I feel I lack the skill to clearly communicate the knowledge and ideas I have amassed, which is a bit more on the correct side of things. In addition, I feel as though I use following Jesus as a cop-out to having goals or dreams for my future, because I lack the confidence or know-how to really pursue anything. When stuff gets harder, I generally just quit and figure it's not worth the stress. Of course, the Bible clearly teaches otherwise (I mentioned this in an Ecclesiastes post about 2 weeks ago, though Ecc. also teaches that it's "like chasing the wind") I realized this was a bigger problem than I thought when I met with a Resident Director who was the leader of my small group in the ResLife class I had to take. When I asked how she knew that I struggled with this, she simply smiled and said that some people with confidence issues over-compensate in hopes that no one will notice. Not to say that I have an ego, but I definitely see that over-compensation in my personality. Self-confidence is going to be critical in my job next year, which is why it's a "project" of mine over the summer.

Otherwise: I have had SUCH an amazing year. I have a good base of friends, and there are some that I will miss terribly. Lots of amazing adventures happened. Spending hours at Larrabee State Park, incredible sunsets, good conversations, aching muscles and late nights. Rolling down the hill on the way to Haggen, as well as playing tag in said establishment. Slackline in the rain and in below-freezing temperatures. That really fun drop into 2-3 ft of fresh snow at Mt Baker. Chillin' with my biological (and Christian) brother Evan and Christian brother Simon when they came up to visit. Really bad puns, high-fives, and doing cartwheels and handstands in the dining hall. Trying to slide a hurdle on the football field with a snowboard and a tow-rope. Jumping off stuff and wondering why I'm still in one piece. The first -and only decent- Bad Writing Night. Griping about dining hall food and eating it anyway.

Lots of memories, and I'm sure I'm still missing so many.

To anyone at Western that reads this, thank you, because you're amazing.

It is now 1:10 AM on Friday, which means I'm supposed to be up, showered, awake, caffeinated (I made it all week!) and driving in 7 hours.

My summer posts will be here. They may be few and far between because I won't always have access to a computer and will be out of town a fair amount.

Until then, thanks so much for sticking with me, and I hope you read my future posts.

-Brandon

263-FINALS WEEK: DAY 3

Oh my. Today was interesting. I was up and moving by 9:00, did some reading, mailed a letter, tried to study, went to lunch, turned in a paper, hung out, took a final, had dinner, hung out some more and now I'm here, really tired for some reason.

Highlight of my day: Being done with the one final that I actually had to go to. I had both of the papers due this week done, at least mostly, but that stupid scheduled final...grr. But now it's done, and I'm thankful for it. I returned from dinner to find a new slackline laying on my bed, courtesy my amazing friend Meagan. It's really fun, because it's half the width of the one I already had. I threw a bit of a fit, then realized that I should just accept it. So I did. And it's awesome.

Walked around being goofy for awhile, and now I'm really hungry. I just have to turn in that one last final paper tomorrow morning...

AH I am so close. I'm to the point I just want to be done so I can have fun and not worry about stuff.

I leave here in less than 48 hours...wow.

262-FINALS WEEK: DAY 2

Finished both of my papers today, except for a quick proof read on one of them after I've given myself a day to not think about it. Otherwise, I hung out a lot. That was my Tuesday. I learned a few Bob Dylan songs on the guitar, all I need now is a harmonica and a fedora.

I'm feeling really good. Very at-peace. I just have one final left tomorrow at 3:30 PM, so I should probably go over my notes at some point.

Sometimes I feel like a terrible student. Right now, I'll chalk it up to being super burnt out. I can't imagine what next year will be like.

261- FINALS WEEK: DAY 1

I have yet to do anything scholarly today. I woke up, made tea, and ventured down to North Campus for quiet time and lunch. I then went to a meeting with my small group leader for the ResLife class that I had to take to be a Resident Advisor next year. It was good to talk to her outside of a classroom setting.

I just got back from climbing again, and I'm pretty wiped out.

Yeah. Not much else to say here.

I have a paper I should probably work on. After dinner....

260

Church in the morning, brunch at the dining hall, and I honestly was going to go on about a 10 mile hike, but I got to the trailhead, pulled out my bag then thought "Do I seriously want to walk 10 miles right now?"

"No."

Then I went climbing down at Larrabee State Park.

Got back on campus at about 3:00, was bored, hung out for awhile, then went to the library to finish up on my history paper. I now have eight pages worth of material: it's revision time.

Dinner, and now I'm here, listening to Brad Paisley and thinking about going outside for awhile, although the weather looks like it's taking a turn for the worst and I don't want to go outside just to get rained on. I'll have to venture out later for a sunset, but right now my back is sore.

Make tea and play the guitar? I think I might.

I should note that I had coffee at church this morning. But I promise I'll make it through this week without it.

Gas is up to $4.50 a gallon up here. Just thought I'd tell you. I'm guessing $5 by the end of the summer.

259

Interesting day. I got up at a decent hour to work on a paper, and did pretty well. I now have about seven of eight pages typed, plus I have yet to write an introduction or conclusion. In addition, I began my other 5-7 page paper, and should have that one done by Monday evening. At least that's my goal.

Having completed school work for the day, I went to a local music store with some friends. I was only in there for about 20 min before I was ready to run out screaming. Not that the store was a bad place, but it reminded me of my days in retail, and also of my inability to play a nice guitar without wanting to put it on my account. I like my 30 year old acoustic, but it's not a Taylor or a Larrivee.

This evening, I went down to Boulevard Park for the first time as a Western student, and didn't think it was as cool as everyone tells me it is. Yeah, it's got the water and such which is something that it has going for it. But there aren't as many interesting people to watch as at Esther Short, and it just doesn't have the same eclectic vibe that Esther Short does. Meh. It's cool.

Watched Zoolander for about the 5th time this year, and I really like that movie. It gets funnier everytime.

Walked back to the folks in the dorms hollaring, obviously sloshed. Even walking past a few folks that looked as though they were no strangers to partying, they looked at me, shifted their eyes towards the noise, and muttered "Crazy." I hear they will be back up in Beta/Gamma next year, which is where I am placed. So I'll have to learn to deal with drunk people. Fun. I feel like I've learned a lot even being up here.

SO I'm sorta tired. Tomorrow should be interesting. I still haven't heard if I made the CTK worship team, though at this point I am kind of doubting that I made it. Honestly, that's adding to what stress level I have left.

Oh. Read Galations today. Paul really wasn't happy with them...

258

I'm sitting in the Viking Union watching a sunset. Or, at least the clouds in front of the sunset. It's actually kinda cool. It makes the clouds just on the horizon look like they're on fire. Oh, how I love sunsets. I find myself missing the wintertime sunrises over the hills back home, with the flourescent pink and oranges, telltale signs that it's a day to stay inside.

It was actually this afternoon. After a morning of rain, it was great to have blue skies that I miss so much, even if it was only for a few hours. My stress levels went down significantly today. Starting things really does help. I'm about five pages into my eight-page Soviet History paper, and I'm actually enjoying writing this one. If I play my cards right, I can be done with both papers by Monday evening, which would be rad. Neither of them are due until Wednesday, and one is due Thursday, but I am honestly just sick of thinking about them. And I have to do well on my Wednesday afternoon final, so I'll hopefully be able to have a good chunk of time to devote to that. If the weather keeps hating Bellingham, studying shouldn't be a problem.

Hopefully it'll be somewhat nice on Sunday. It'd be nice to get out at least one more time before the end of the year.

I leave a week from today. That's scary. I have a feeling tonight's gonna be a wild one on the Ridge though.

257

I went to the rock wall again today. I pushed myself really hard, and now my arms hurt. Funny how that works.

Today was interesting. I don't get stressed out pretty much ever, so it was weird to get through half the day with a crazy constricted feeling around my eyes and an aching head. I did start a paper though, which alleviated a bit of the stress, and I went and found people to hang out with, which also helped a lot. Climbing was fun too and helped me regain part of my sanity.

I've made the decision to not drink coffee until after finals week. I had it three days in a row and I feel myself needing it. Stupid addiction. I will not be mastered by anything.

I was reading in 1st Corinthians today, and I got to chapter 7, and read it like eight times. When I got to the part about married people not having self control and how it's better to remain single, I got really confused. I had read it before, but I never really grasped the implications. Paul seems to seriously be telling people not to get married. I know that men and women were created to be together, a metaphor and symbol of the union between Christ and his church. One needs the other in order for humanity to survive. That's just how it works.

Any insight on this?

Tomorrow is Friday. Which means that a week from then, I will be packing up and moving back to Vancouver for the summer. I think that's the real stressor. Leaving and saying goodbye to people that I have seen everyday for the last 9 months.

256

Really quickly before I have to run to class...

Psalm 49:16-19

16 Do not be afraid when a man becomes rich, when the glory of his house in increased; 17 For when he dies he will carry nothing away; his glory will not descend after him. 18 Though while he lives to congratulate himself- and though men praise you when you do well for yourself - 19 He shall go to the generation of his fathers; They shall never see the light.

The end of verse 17 is interesting, because it's assuming they will descend. I may be reading too far into this, but remember the whole "camel through the eye of a needle" thing?

The phrasing of verse 18 was really cool too.

Ok, I have to go to class.

255-And the Rain Returns

I woke up this morning to a popularity spike: two text messages and one voicemail. Popularity spikes are fun.

This morning, I looked out my window and saw rain falling. Of course, it doesn't matter that it's June and supposed to be sunny. I have about a week and a half to go of school, and I'm just sick of doing school. This doesn't include that I have a certain stressor that's driving me nuts. I spent my early afternoon in the Underground Coffeehouse laying on a couch trying to forget that it was Dead Week, then my early evening reading a book for my Soviet history class.

I am a huge Switchfoot fan. They are tied for #1 on my favorites list with the Eagles, and I actually listen to them more these days than I listen to the Eagles. On rainy days such as this one, I really dwell on their album Nothing is Sound. I know I've talked about it before, but I just love it. It's not one of their better albums, but it fits days like today perfectly. When the weather isn't working the way I want it to, I am thinking about life way more than I should, and I'm walking by myself in the rain a lot, this album captures the mood perfectly. I listened to this one a lot today.

Later in the day, I met with a friend, who introduced me to the Open Mic night at the Underground, which is really funny, because it's the last one of the year. It was about what I expected, which is why I hadn' gone as of late. There were a few good acts, though, and a few that just deserve props for doing what they did: it takes guts to play techno-ish whatnot to a college crowd in Bellingham.

There was one, though, that was so vulgar that I couldn't believe that the sound guy kept him going. To the sound guy's credit, he did turn him off momentarily, but the guy kept going with his grossness. I was proud to be able to stand up with my friend, leave, and not feel like I was doing the guy an injustice: it was that terrible.

I feel as though I should talk about something a bit more important, but my brain is fried with life's happenings. I hope I mellow out here soon, because having my brain on overload sucks.

254

As I was wandering about today, in my travels I began to think about some pretty strange things.

One of which was: people don't talk in elevators.

This is really funny to me, because I am usually looking to strike up a conversation anywhere, and an elevator is no exception. But when standing in an elevator, everyone faces the door and gives off a distinct vibe that says "don't talk to me. We're in an elevator."

Why is this?

There are other things as well that just puzzle me, and I'll never know the answers.

Why do girls need so many shoes, and why can't they wear the same prom dress two years in a row?

How come we park in driveways, yet drive on parkways?

Why does hair grow in our armpits?

Why are yawns contagious?

*shrug*

I'm sure there are more of these things that my wiped-out mind can't grab right now.

253- Happy June

Once again, weekends in Bellingham are amazing. I spent Friday, Saturday, and Sunday out hanging with friends outside. My body is really tired, and it'll take a few days of rest to get feeling solid again. Friday and Saturday I caught some incredible sunsets. May I never take another one for granted. I'm currently sipping on a cup of coffee and listening to music.

I've been thinking about this whole blogging thing. I have noticed a distinct lack of comments, which could mean a few things: One, my writing sucks. Two, I'm writing about things that aren't interesting to anyone. Three, I'm offending people. I'm guessing that it's a combination of all three things.

I want to apologize to anyone I've offended. I'm forever done talking about politics, at least on blogger. Things seem to stay a bit more cival when these discussions take place in person.

Awhile back, I discussed a bad habit of mine, specifically swearing. I am happy to say that while this habit persists, it's gotten MUCH better (I've been hanging out with a different crowd recently...funny what that'll do.) Within the context of this discussion, the issue of anger was brought up. I have since talked to a few individuals about this topic, and I get a general vibe that anger is "bad." Whether it's sin or not has not been pinned down. While the word "anger" has a negative conotation, I feel as though there are a few different elements to it that make it "right" or "wrong." The first: what are you angry about? The second: How long did it take you to get there?

I might take this moment to remind people that God himself, while DEFINITELY loving, merciful, and full of grace is capable of anger. There's a ton of evidence of that in the Old Testament. He leveled the earth with the flood and started over. When Korah rebelled against Moses in Numbers 16, Moses became angry, and God answered that anger by opening up the earth and swallowing Korah and his followers. As far as New Testament, Jesus took out his anger on the pharisees and merchants in the temple.

Anger is biblical. It's also an emotion. I would argue that to some extent it's healthy. But what makes it healthy? As I said previously, what are you angry about?

When Moses became angry with Korah, it was because the authority God had given him had been challenged. What's interesting about this is that Moses doesn't do much. He leaves it to God to say who's in charge. God responds to this by destroying all of Korah's family.

Jesus took out his anger on the merchants in Matthew 21:12-13 by casting them out and overturning their tables. Why? They were defiling his house. It was supposed to be a house of prayer, and it had been turned into a "den of thieves." I'd say that's a legitimate reason for anger.

A bad reason to be angry: being unable to complete a bouldering route while rock climbing.

Again, the other element involved here is how long it takes someone to get angry, and not only that, but how long they stayed angry. After Jesus cast out all the merchants and moneychangers in the temple, what did he do? In v.14, IMMEDIATELY afterward, he goes back to healing people.

We know that God himself is a "God of forgiveness, gracious and compassionate, slow to anger, and abounding in lovingkindness." (Nehemiah 9:17b)

Psalm 30:5 says "For His anger is but for a moment, his favor is for a lifetime..."

So God himself feels anger. He can't be in the presence of sin, so we can logically conclude that anger itself is not a sin. HOWEVER. What is the object of the anger? Is it the name of the LORD being defiled or questioned, or anger at the 6 year old kid screaming bloody murder at the sight of a garter snake at a lake, or something dumb like a rock that is hard to hang onto?
As a result, I feel as though anger should be a rarity, because it really isn't worth it to get riled up about the things that we do. I also feel as though the take home message is don't let anger control you, because that's when the line gets fuzzy. Anger's rise must be controlled, and if it doesn't fade quickly, the red-zone has once again been reached. Really dumb things have been said when anger is involved, and really dumb decisions have been made under it's influence as well.