264- FINALS WEEK: DAY 4

DONE. Turned in my final paper this morning for history and have pretty much spent all day goofing off seeing people. Went climbing outside, slacklining, and just overall screwing around. I'm not sure what's going on this evening, so I'm working on this while I figure out what's happening. Options are somewhat limited when nearly everyone has gone home.

This is my last post under this blog. I'll have a new one set up for the summer, then set up a different one for next school year.

I guess this is where I actually talk about what I learned throughout the course of the school year. Strangely, most of what I have acquired seem to be ways of processing and viewing information rather than the information itself. I couldn't tell you most of the tidbits of information that I have gleaned from my American History course. But when I can look at newspaper articles and figure out the different paradigms used by countries for their foreign policy, I get really excited, because it's really interesting.

But what about me? What has changed about me since I've been here? Not only in terms of beliefs and perspectives, but also in personality?

We'll do the positive aspects first. I have really come to love the outdoors and such related activities. I have always been an active person, constantly needing something to do to avoid boredom, but when there's something about waking up "early" to hit the trail to a bouldering route when just about everyone around you is still asleep or hung over from the happenings of the night before. It's a great way to communicate with my Maker, have genuine hangouts and good conversations with people, just being in stuff that's really cool to look at. I had the thought today that everything in nature somehow reflects God's character. Pretty cool stuff.

Second, I have embraced my natural extravert a lot more. Sometimes I tend to be really mellow when I first meet people, but it's so much more fun to leave an impression on someone. For example. It's gotta be more fun to meet someone with a whole cupcake shoved in their mouth than someone who simply offers a half-wave and a "Hi, I'm Brandon." Yeah, I've freaked a few people out, but that's ok. Spring quarter was really fun for a few reasons, one of which was my natural tendency to meet people, which meant that I saw people I knew all the time, and I wasn't scared to look them in the eyes and high-five them every time I saw them. The sun helped too, but a rainy day is more bearable if you have people with whom to hole up and watch movies.

Third, I can honestly say my faith in God has deepened. This is pretty much the coolest thing ever, to know that God's got the helm and my trying to take it from him isn't going to help anything, but rather lead to my driving into a hillside. I've also realized the importance of memorization. There's that whole AWANA bit, which is cool, but I've honestly forgotten almost all of those verses. When you're seven years old, all you know is that if you learn this phrase, you get points. The goal is not a deeper understanding of Christ and the tools to defend yourself from Satan's flaming arrows, but rather to win a series of games to obtain bragging rights and candy. You aren't moved by the eloquence of a Psalm, nor appreciate Solomon's candid words on life as it is, nor feel pushed by Paul's constructive criticism and encouragement. That kind of appreciation comes with age and the ability to understand how it benefits you. And I've finally reached that point. Finally. 21 years in the making.

Ok, so there's some things I need to work on as well. This may sound really strange, but the main thing is self-confidence. I've always been scared to rock the boat, to go out on a limb and say things that aren't popular or appreciated. But I think it goes deeper than that. Sometimes I genuinely feel that no one cares about what I have to say, which is, of course, a lie. I feel I lack the skill to clearly communicate the knowledge and ideas I have amassed, which is a bit more on the correct side of things. In addition, I feel as though I use following Jesus as a cop-out to having goals or dreams for my future, because I lack the confidence or know-how to really pursue anything. When stuff gets harder, I generally just quit and figure it's not worth the stress. Of course, the Bible clearly teaches otherwise (I mentioned this in an Ecclesiastes post about 2 weeks ago, though Ecc. also teaches that it's "like chasing the wind") I realized this was a bigger problem than I thought when I met with a Resident Director who was the leader of my small group in the ResLife class I had to take. When I asked how she knew that I struggled with this, she simply smiled and said that some people with confidence issues over-compensate in hopes that no one will notice. Not to say that I have an ego, but I definitely see that over-compensation in my personality. Self-confidence is going to be critical in my job next year, which is why it's a "project" of mine over the summer.

Otherwise: I have had SUCH an amazing year. I have a good base of friends, and there are some that I will miss terribly. Lots of amazing adventures happened. Spending hours at Larrabee State Park, incredible sunsets, good conversations, aching muscles and late nights. Rolling down the hill on the way to Haggen, as well as playing tag in said establishment. Slackline in the rain and in below-freezing temperatures. That really fun drop into 2-3 ft of fresh snow at Mt Baker. Chillin' with my biological (and Christian) brother Evan and Christian brother Simon when they came up to visit. Really bad puns, high-fives, and doing cartwheels and handstands in the dining hall. Trying to slide a hurdle on the football field with a snowboard and a tow-rope. Jumping off stuff and wondering why I'm still in one piece. The first -and only decent- Bad Writing Night. Griping about dining hall food and eating it anyway.

Lots of memories, and I'm sure I'm still missing so many.

To anyone at Western that reads this, thank you, because you're amazing.

It is now 1:10 AM on Friday, which means I'm supposed to be up, showered, awake, caffeinated (I made it all week!) and driving in 7 hours.

My summer posts will be here. They may be few and far between because I won't always have access to a computer and will be out of town a fair amount.

Until then, thanks so much for sticking with me, and I hope you read my future posts.

-Brandon